The Life of a Homemaker: More freezer cooking and a pregnancy update!

Definitely going through a weird time right now. My energy levels are constantly changing...one minute I'll feel like I'm about to fall asleep, and the next I'm doing laundry and trying to make three recipes at one time. This must just be a pregnancy thing...I'm obviously physically tired, but the nesting instinct is urging me to do a bazillion things. And I'm not normally a highly-motivated person when it comes to doing things around the house. I'll usually do the same few chores every day, like laundry, loading/unloading the dishwasher, and making dinner...but beyond that I'm not really interested in doing anything else...haha.

Anyway, so I've been finishing up some of my freezer cooking...the list has changed somewhat since I originally posted about it. I got all the dinner meals done first (thank goodness because if I had known how exhausting that would be...I probably wouldn't have done it!) and now I'm just doing some random baking here and there when I feel like it. I've made:

Whole Wheat Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies -- Definitely my favorite chocolate chip cookie (so far!)
Whole Wheat Banana Nut Bread -- Only about 2/3 of the loaf made it into the freezer...this stuff is amazing and addictive! And I LOVE this recipe...it calls for 1/4 cup of honey instead of sugar. And I think it tastes waaaay better than my old recipe. If you try this one though, make sure you use extremely ripe bananas (basically really brown and mushy), especially if you are used to a very sweet tasting bread. I like mine a little less sweet anyway, but Billy wasn't very impressed the first time I made this recipe (using normal bananas). This time around I knew to let my bananas get overripe, and it turned out great.
Breakfast Burritos for Billy -- This time I made 20 burritos (which is what the original recipe calls for; I've been doing 10 in the past). He's been flying through them and it seemed like I was making them once a week. Hopefully these will last a little longer! =)
Homemade Poptarts -- I saw this on Pinterest and had all the ingredients, so I gave them a shot over the weekend. They turned out okay...not amazing, not terrible. They're just kinda bland, which could probably be fixed by adding a cinnamon-sugar mixture to the top and more jelly inside. I was a little too conservative with how much jelly I used for fear that they would leak all over the place. And I would definitely use some kind of size-template for cutting them...I have some that are humungous and others that are teeny tiny. They weren't a waste, though! I've been eating them for breakfast this week and just adding more jelly to the top after reheating them in the toaster. These freeze really well, and reheat great in the toaster if you put it on a higher setting.
Chocolate Granola Bars -- These are so good. I had all the ingredients on hand, so I made them this morning. My plan is to freeze them...but I know I'll probably sneak a couple before sticking them in the bag. These taste a lot like preacher cookies if you let the chocolate melt into the mixture before sticking it in the fridge.
Pancakes -- This is a homemade pancake mix, and I think it tastes pretty good. Definitely not as good as Bisquick...but that stuff is expensive! I usually add some chocolate chips to my pancakes...because I love chocolate.

I would also REALLY love to make some muffins...and I found this recipe for Pumpkin Chocolate Chip muffins that looks really good. But with my chocolate obsession lately we're out of chocolate chips, and I just couldn't bring myself to buy any more this week. When it comes down to either buying fresh produce for your child or chocolate chips for yourself...you know which one wins! I make it sound like we're broke, but it's really that I'm just very strict about our grocery budget. We use cash to hold me accountable for our grocery purchases (which includes food, paper products, hygiene items, and dog food), and I've set that at $50 per week. Some weeks I'm way under that, and other weeks (like this week) I come under it by just a few cents. Part of the problem is that I spent about $20 of this week's budget at Target last week on some stockpile grocery items, like cheese, dry pasta, pasta sauce, and frozen/canned vegetables. It's definitely more than I would normally spend at one time on those items, but now we've got plenty to get us through a few weeks after Piper arrives. Anyway, after I had gotten everything on my "must have" list this week, I thought, "Hmm...we've got a couple bucks left, I could use it on chocolate chips and make those muffins!" and then immediately felt guilty because I hadn't gotten any fresh fruit for Ellie. So we ended up in the produce section instead of the baking aisle, and I felt significantly better about myself as a mother lol. So if I'm still pregnant next week, you can bet that chocolate chips will be on my list so that I can make those muffins =).

I'm still having some issues with the whole impending-C-section thing. After my 39 week appointment last week, the doctor told me I have a very "prominent" pelvic bone, meaning that my bone structure makes for a very narrow space for Piper's head and shoulders to fit through. The doctor said that it could potentially cause an issue if I were to go into labor...basically a couple hours of pushing and then they would "advise" me to have a C-section because she wasn't coming out. However, she also said that I could have a totally normal birth with no complications...I think it mostly has to do with Piper's angle of exit and her size, and it's something that we'll just have to wait and see what happens. I've been reading through our old Bradley class workbook to refresh myself on all the labor and birth information, which has been good. Definitely glad I kept that! I also read in it an article about c-sections, and that sometimes they're medically necessary and there's nothing you can do about it (like my situation with Ellie). Reading it really encouraged me in knowing that I've worked just as hard as any other mother to bring my child into the world (preparation, health and fitness, etc.) and that a c-section doesn't undermine the 9 months of protecting and nourishing my baby that I've already done.

I still desperately want to have a natural VBAC. And I'm still not okay with the c-section. But I've done everything I can possibly do at this point...I've done my best, now I just have to surrender it to God and trust Him with the outcome...which has been so hard for me. I like being in control. I like knowing what's going to happen. I don't like surprises (except for the happy kind, like birthday presents or a drink from Chick-fil-A from my sweet husband!). But I have experienced over and over and OVER again that I cannot plan my future. Sure, I can look ahead and prepare for things, like school or becoming a mother or moving away. But I can't plan out every little detail of my life according to my own wants, because being a follower of Christ doesn't work that way. It's a tough pill to swallow, but I think the sooner I come to terms with it the better. Billy and I have learned to leave our family's future very open-ended, because in the long run we're happier that way. When we plan out all the little details, and then things don't go according to "plan," we're frustrated, angry, depressed, devastated...you name it. But when we leave things open and just trust the Lord with our future, we're happy, pleasant, and joyful about the changes. That's not always an instant thing (for example, Billy getting laid off from LifeWay back in 2010 just a few weeks after Ellie was born!). But the joy and thankfulness come much easier and faster when we don't really have a specific plan to begin with. I hope people won't read this as preachy toward them...I'm preaching to myself here. When I accept God's control over my life and stop trying to tell God what to do, I'm a happier, more joyful, and optimistic person. Lately, I've just felt stressed about having a c-section, annoyed at my body for not doing what it's supposed to do, and angry at God for not answering my prayers the way I wanted Him to. None of these feelings are helpful. I do have a right to feel the way I do about natural childbirth (that I want a natural VBAC and I want things to happen the way God designed) but being angry at Him for not granting me that particular thing isn't going to help at all, nor is it going to make me have the birth I've always wanted.

I know some people really don't understand why I feel the way I do about it. I've had a lot of people say, "Well, the most important thing is that the baby is healthy." YES, I totally agree! I hope no one thinks that just because I'm upset about a c-section means that I don't care about the health of my baby, because believe me, I do. It's because I care about the health of my baby that I want a VBAC (a natural one, preferably, but I've never been in labor so I have no clue how painful it must be!). And that doesn't mean that I think someone is a bad mother for having a c-section (hello, I've had one!) or an epidural...not at all! It's hard for me to explain this, other than saying that this is what I want for myself and my baby. I can't really explain it any other way. So, long story short, I hope no one is offended or hurt by what I've said in this post...just know that I said these things for myself, not for you.

Aaaand that was a really, really long post. But thank you for bearing with me. It really does relieve a lot of my anxiety to try to explain things this way. And now for a cuteness update!