Complaining

So for 4 days, Ellie has been complaining about the same thing, over and over.  "I don't feel good.  I'm sick."  Normally I would be very compassionate about this and do what I could to make her feel better...but I can't find anything wrong with her.  Usually if she complains of some physical ailment we suggest going to the bathroom, burping, eating or drinking something, laying down with a blanket, etc.  And 9 times out of 10 she's happy to try all of those things and then magically she feels better.  Not the case this week.  I have suggested anything and everything I can think of to "make her feel better" and she rejects all of them and then goes about her merry way playing, running, singing, whatever.  She certainly doesn't act sick.  Once she even said, "I have a headache."  So I said, "I'm sorry you have a headache.  Can you point to where it hurts?"  She pointed to her stomach.  Hmmm...starting to think she isn't actually sick.  She complains during breakfast, while we're sitting in the car, or whenever she seems to get bored.  I ask her what she wants (thinking maybe she's fishing for some snuggling or medicine) and she doesn't want anything, it's like she just wants to complain and announce to anyone around her that she is sick.  I really think it comes down to one thing: attention.

This morning I got to my breaking point with it.  I wanted to lash out and be like, "STOP COMPLAINING!!!"  I didn't.  But I really, really wanted to.  And then, just as the urge to yell or fuss at her was unbearable and I was about to give in, I realized something.  I've been doing the same thing....all week long.  Not complaining about "not feeling good," but complaining about how much I have to do.  How stressed out I am.  How I need to clean this room.  How I need to catch up on all of the dishes and laundry.  How I don't feel like cooking dinner.  How I'm just so tired.  And it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I am modeling a whiny, complaining behavior to my daughter and she's going along with it by complaining about the only thing she can think of to say:  "I don't feel good."

I feel so embarrassed.  I have a home.  Plenty of food.  My healthy little family.  Heat in my house.  The ability to go visit with other family members next week for Christmas.  Yes, there are stressful things going on in our family right now, but nothing that compares to having our needs (and so many of our wants) met.  And yet I sound so ungrateful when I replay my own words.

Isn't it amazing what our little ones can show us about ourselves?

Lord, change me.  Forgive me for my bad attitude and incessant complaining.  Thank you for blessing me and my family with so much.  Help me to remember what my life is about instead of focusing on what I think I lack.  Help me be a good role model to my children.

Freezer Cooking Plan

I have finally finished my freezer cooking meal list in preparation for Grace's birth.  I have been working on this list on and off for a couple of months now, adding and deleting things as I get new ideas.  I'm pretty set that this is my final FINAL list, so I'm posting it here for anyone who is interested in what I'll be cooking in the next few weeks!

I was blessed to be part of a paleo soup swap this past weekend (we don't necessarily eat paleo as a family, but certainly not averse to it and I welcomed the opportunity to fill my freezer with some variety!).  There were 7 of us participating, so each of us made 7 batches of some type of paleo soup and then we all swapped so that everyone comes home with 7 freezer bags containing a variety of soups.  I made a paleo chili which turned out really well in my opinion (tastes just like normal chili minus the beans and it was FULL of tons of veggies!).  Since I knew this was coming up, I decided to simplify my life and count all of the soups as part of my baby preparation freezer cooking.  This is what I currently have stocked in my freezer:

1. Curried Chicken and Sweet Potato Soup
2. Paleo Chili
3. Cream of Zucchini Soup
4. Paleo Minestrone
5. Butternut Squash and Roasted Garlic Soup
6. Turkey Soup
7. Tomato Beef and Basil Soup
8. Tater Tot Casserole 
9. Chicken Enchilada Casserole
10. Green Rice Casserole (side dish)

The last three items on this list were things I've made in the last couple of weeks and just haven't used yet, so I'm just planning to hold on to them for the post-baby cooking hiatus.

These are the meals I still need to make:

1. Sour Cream Noodle Bake x2
2. Spaghetti Casserole x2
3. Baked Ziti x2
4. Crockpot BBQ Chicken x2
5. Italian Crockpot Chicken x2
6. Crockpot Ranch Pork Chops x2
7. Beef Tacos (using homemade taco seasoning)
8. Slow Cooker Chipotle Chicken Tacos
9. Crockpot Loaded Baked Potato Soup (I'm just going to prep the base for this soup and freeze it before cooking since dairy isn't totally reliable after freezing)
10. Cheesy Chicken and Black Bean Enchiladas

Most of the casseroles that say x2 make enough to fill a 9x13 with one batch, so I usually just split the batch between two 8x8 pans and then I have two meals for the price and preparation of one.  With the exception of the enchiladas, these are all tried-and-true recipes for our family that we really like (the enchiladas just sounded good in the moment and they're easily freezable, so we'll see how that turns out).  Yes, my list is heavy on the pasta and carbs, but I know these are meals my family loves and will legitimately eat without complaining (which equals a happy mama, especially post baby!).  Also, we unashamedly love carbs in this house :)

So I have 10 recipes to make, which will bring my total freezer meal count to 25 (plus one side) when I include the stuff that has already been made.  I am trying to focus mostly on dinners this time since breakfast and lunch are pretty simple meals in our household anyway.  Also, it's far cheaper for me to buy convenience foods for breakfast and lunch to have at home than it is for dinner.  If I get around to it I would still like to make some banana bread or something like that, but definitely not critical at this point.

Now my task is to find the time to get all this cooking done before January.  Even though I'm not planning to have Grace until the 17th, I feel a sense of urgency that I need to get all of this stuff done by the end of the year.  I have had a lot more discomfort with this little girl than I did with either of her sisters and it makes me anxious that Grace will be the one who decides to put my body into labor.  We are trusting that whenever Grace comes is God's plan, BUT it would be nice if we could just have a plan and stick to it for once haha.  We planned for Ellie to be a natural birth (instead we got a c-section 3 weeks early), Piper was a planned VBAC (ended up with a c-section at one week late), and now Grace is a planned c-section and I'm nervous that she's going to do something crazy haha.  

Right now, I'm torn between finishing Christmas preparations and freezer cooking.  I probably should focus on the Christmas stuff since that's next week and Grace isn't supposed to be here for another 4 weeks, but I also don't want to be 39 weeks pregnant and trying to do all this cooking (it's already pretty difficult at 35 weeks).  Maybe I can just be a little crazy and do all of it this week...?

Speaking of crazy...the past few days have been pretty discouraging.  Our house in Lynchburg is up in the air again (tenants have moved out, two showings for new tenants have been scheduled and then canceled at the last minute) and we're trying to decide what to do with the house.  Should we rent it again and then have to face all of this stuff a year from now?  Should we try to sell it and take the loss on the house?  We have been praying about it for the past week and we're just looking for some direction.  It is so tiring to be dealing with the emotional, mental, and financial strain of the house while anticipating Christmas and a new baby coming, not to mention our goals of financial freedom and how we feel like we're just treading water and making no progress right now.  I know we are making progress on our goals, but these are like teeny tiny tiptoe steps and that's about all we can handle right now until we can get the debt snowball rolling (or I get a job).  Anyway, it's a lot to think about right now when we have so many other things to focus on, too.  I think we have at least decided to contact a few different people and get some more information before making a final decision, so I'm praying that God would speak to us through those communications.  If you are interested in praying for our family, we would certainly be humbled and grateful if you could lift these things up to God on our behalf!

Other than some mental stress, we are doing so well.  Our little family is healthy, we live in a house that we truly enjoy being in, and we feel so at home and settled in our community.  These times of stress are just opportunities for me to call on Jesus and grow closer to Him, so I'm trying to focus on that right now instead of being frustrated.  I know that God hears us and knows what's happening and what the eventual outcome will be, so I'm trying to visualize all of these things sitting in His hands instead of weighing on my shoulders.  Plus, we have so much to be joyful about, so my goal is to have joy and peace regardless of what's happening.  Merry Christmas! :)