Basically, this book is about managing your time in relation to your life goals. If an activity doesn't somehow contribute to your goals, then you just don't do it. Period. That doesn't mean that life is all work and no play, because part of your goals should include things that make you a better/happier person (for me, that would be getting enough sleep, having quiet time to read, going out on dates with Billy, etc.). So it's not necessarily about getting lots of things done, but rather accomplishing goals that make me a better person, wife, mom, friend, etc. This book has various tasks that you should complete at the end of each chapter to take those steps toward managing time effectively. I didn't complete all of the assigned tasks, mostly because I'm not typically a goal setter in the first place, so it was a big step for me to just figure out what my life goals really are. Maybe somewhere down the road I'll take the time to be more scheduled, but for now I'm pretty happy to just have an idea of what I want to do with my life.
Reading this book really made me realize and accept the fact that I'm not a Type A personality...this kinda made me go through an identity crisis of sorts, because I have lived most of my life believing that I am this perfectionistic, regimented, slightly OCD person, when in fact I'm really not. I think most people who know me from high school and college would disagree (with the exception of a few of my closest friends), but really I spent most of that time just putting on a show, believing that in order to be successful, liked, intelligent, etc. that I had to be that way. So anyway, I've come to realize that I hate schedules, and I hate being a perfectionist. I am a huge procrastinator (not a surprise to anyone who knows me haha) and I would much rather go through my day just doing things that need to be done, rather than making a big list and schedule and trying to make every detail conform to my idea of a perfect day. I certainly know that not all Type A people are like that, but that was the mental picture I had of the person I was "supposed" to be. Sad, isn't it?
I bought into the lies that told me that I had to be a certain way in order to be important, successful, and good. These lies aren't spoken out loud, but rather are hidden messages that we all pick up, whether it be from books, media, teachers, friends, you name it. Sometimes people unintentionally tell you these things, thinking they're doing you a favor. Sometimes people are just mean and want to change you into someone else who is more acceptable. For me, I think I was my own worst enemy. As a perfectionistic student, I always felt that I was a disappointment if I didn't maintain my image: straight A's, honors classes, studious, hard working, blah blah blah. I disappointed myself if I fell below those standards, and I thought everyone else in my life was disappointed, too. Now I realize that most people (the ones who matter) don't give a rat's tail about any of that stuff. Not that any of those things are actually bad....I'm talking more about what my motives were. It basically comes down to selfishness, pride, and letting myself be a people pleaser, and I am so done with living that way.
So, long story short, I made some goals for myself. These are lifetime goals and certainly won't be accomplished in a day. These are things that I want to slowly work toward...a rubric of sorts that I want to use to evaluate the activities, thoughts, and people in my life. This will give me a more discriminating focus on what things really matter in my life, and hopefully will give me the strength to say no to the things that aren't worth my time.
Reading this book really made me realize and accept the fact that I'm not a Type A personality...this kinda made me go through an identity crisis of sorts, because I have lived most of my life believing that I am this perfectionistic, regimented, slightly OCD person, when in fact I'm really not. I think most people who know me from high school and college would disagree (with the exception of a few of my closest friends), but really I spent most of that time just putting on a show, believing that in order to be successful, liked, intelligent, etc. that I had to be that way. So anyway, I've come to realize that I hate schedules, and I hate being a perfectionist. I am a huge procrastinator (not a surprise to anyone who knows me haha) and I would much rather go through my day just doing things that need to be done, rather than making a big list and schedule and trying to make every detail conform to my idea of a perfect day. I certainly know that not all Type A people are like that, but that was the mental picture I had of the person I was "supposed" to be. Sad, isn't it?
I bought into the lies that told me that I had to be a certain way in order to be important, successful, and good. These lies aren't spoken out loud, but rather are hidden messages that we all pick up, whether it be from books, media, teachers, friends, you name it. Sometimes people unintentionally tell you these things, thinking they're doing you a favor. Sometimes people are just mean and want to change you into someone else who is more acceptable. For me, I think I was my own worst enemy. As a perfectionistic student, I always felt that I was a disappointment if I didn't maintain my image: straight A's, honors classes, studious, hard working, blah blah blah. I disappointed myself if I fell below those standards, and I thought everyone else in my life was disappointed, too. Now I realize that most people (the ones who matter) don't give a rat's tail about any of that stuff. Not that any of those things are actually bad....I'm talking more about what my motives were. It basically comes down to selfishness, pride, and letting myself be a people pleaser, and I am so done with living that way.
So, long story short, I made some goals for myself. These are lifetime goals and certainly won't be accomplished in a day. These are things that I want to slowly work toward...a rubric of sorts that I want to use to evaluate the activities, thoughts, and people in my life. This will give me a more discriminating focus on what things really matter in my life, and hopefully will give me the strength to say no to the things that aren't worth my time.
- Self: I want to be a person who lives with kindness, humility, and optimism. I want to reflect Jesus in everything I do, and not allow external circumstances, people, or things get in the way of living the life God has called me to live.
- Wife: I want to be a loving, passionate, and attentive wife. I want my husband to know he is loved and respected by me, and that he has my full support for his dreams and ambitions. I want to treat my husband with kindness, giving him the best of me. I want to be his girlfriend, rather than a maid or a mother.
- Mother: I want to be a mom who is present, gentle, instructive, and supportive. I want my children to feel secure in their relationship with me and know that they are loved unconditionally. I want to show my children grace and mercy, living out the Christian life rather than just talking about it. I want to give them the freedom to explore and learn about the world, while also teaching them biblical discernment.
- Homemaker: I want to be a purposeful homemaker. I want to keep a relatively clean and functioning household where my family feels comfortable to relax and enjoy time together. I do not want to be distracted by having a perfectly clean or orderly house...just good enough.
- Dreamer: I want to live a life of adventure. I want to have a rural homestead where our family can work together to become semi-self sufficient. I want to live in the country where our family isn't as tempted by modern conveniences, and I want our children to grow up knowing the value of hard work. I want to live a life of valuable experiences.
These goals aren't very specific, so the next step would be for me to list all the important activities that would help me work toward these goals, but I'm just not quite ready to do that. And I know the dreamer goal seems a little random, but it's something the author suggests doing. I have a lot of thoughts about my homestead dreams, and maybe someday I'll get around to sharing what I mean by that, but for now I'm going to focus on what I'm trying to say in this post. Right now, I'm kinda working through my "identity crisis" and learning to let go of a lot of things. I am a sensitive person, so I find that I am easily affected by other people and their choices even if it has nothing to do with me. I am really working on that right now, realizing that I'm responsible for myself, not anyone else (minus Ellie and Piper!). It's been challenging for me, but I'm slowly learning to let go of those things and not dwell on them. They don't line up with my goals and they make me unhappy, trickling into my relationships with Billy and the girls and that is so not worth it.
I think through all of this I am learning that I can't live life on my own strength or efforts. I have so many faults, flaws, and weaknesses. I can slowly attend to each of them, but this is a lifelong process. I can't be perfect. That's a hard pill for me to swallow, because inside I desperately want to be perfect. I want to be proud of my perfection and have everyone look at me and say, "Wow, she's got it all together!" But that won't ever happen...it's not supposed to. I think of this passage from Paul and how he talks about boasting of his weaknesses and what God says: “'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)
Anyway, I just wanted to share where my heart is right now. I will hopefully get around to posting a little more regularly, just so I can brag on my little ones more frequently :)
