Piper's Birth Story

Hi everyone!  I feel like I've been gone from the real world for the past week, trying to adjust to having  a newborn again.  I've taken a hiatus from my normal activities, like grocery shopping (or going out in public in general...so hard for me!) and I'm just now finding a little spare time throughout the day to check email and read my favorite blogs.  Piper is now one week and one day old...hard to believe that I had surgery only a week ago!  

Even though I had a c-section and never went into labor, I still want to share Piper's "birth story" with everyone...mostly because I tend to have an overwhelming curiosity about other people's birth experiences, and I'm sure I'm not the only person out there who likes to read about babies being born =).

So last Friday, April 13th, I woke up super early to start getting ready to head to the hospital.  I had to arrive between 8:30 and 9 am, and I wanted to make sure I wasn't rushed or going crazy that morning trying to get ready.  I also wanted to have a little time with Ellie before we left, since it would be our last morning with just one baby girl.  When Ellie woke up, I went in to get her out of her crib, and just instantly started crying as soon as I saw her.  I'm not really sure why, other than I was feeling extremely emotional about having another child and knowing that Ellie wasn't going to be my "baby" anymore.  I held and rocked her, trying to get a few last minutes of snuggle time before we left.  Billy's mom came up to stay with Ellie while we were in the hospital, so she took over caring for Ellie while we finished getting things together. 

We got to the hospital at about 8:40 and they immediately took us back to finish registration and get all of our information.  We were then escorted up to the maternity floor and sent to the triage department to prep for surgery.  I had a WONDERFUL nurse named Annie who did all of my pre- and post-surgical care...I am so grateful to have had a kind and understanding nurse, since this was a very new experience for me and I didn't know what to expect.  It was so strange because I had had a previous c-section, but had no memory of it and therefore had no idea what was going on.  It was also really weird just sitting on a bed answering questions, knowing that our baby would be born in a couple of hours.  

Preparing for the surgery was very fast-paced...they asked TONS of questions, took blood, started an IV, had me change into an insulated gown that was horribly hot (and then let me change into a normal gown because I was sweating so bad lol), asked more questions, had the anesthesiologist come in and talk to me about the spinal block procedure, talked me through the surgery so I would know what was going to happen, etc.  There were maybe a few minutes that Billy and I were alone; otherwise there were nurses and doctors in my room spewing information and asking questions.  Although it was very fast-paced (and slightly overwhelming), I never felt freaked out about it, which really surprised me.  I was kinda afraid that I would arrive at the hospital and immediately start crying and carrying on....but I didn't.  Billy and I joked and laughed, and talked about what we thought Piper might look like.  We took pictures and were overall pretty relaxed.  I don't think I ever felt really nervous throughout the whole thing.  I just kept focusing on the fact that our daughter was being born and that I might as well make this a pleasant and fun experience.

Once they were ready, I was escorted to the operating room.  Billy sat outside for about 15 minutes while they got me ready.  I sat on the table and the anesthesiologist put a numbing shot in my back (which stung but wasn't too awful) and then placed the spinal block.  Within a minute of having the spinal, I felt a warm tingling sensation move from my waist down to my feet.  It was so fast and felt very strange.  They quickly laid me down on the table and got me all situated (they had to tilt the table at an angle so that I was laying on my side so that the weight of the baby wouldn't lower my blood pressure).  I remember feeling a little weird like I couldn't take a deep breath, but I just tried to remain calm and not think about it.    My legs also felt weird...they were completely numb, but I felt like my knees were bent a little (even though they were completely straight) and the doctor said that you can sometimes get a "phantom" feeling and your legs will retain the feeling of the last position they were in when the spinal was placed.  I asked the nurses to keep talking to me so that I wouldn't panic (I was so afraid that I would freak out during the surgery and they would have to put me to sleep), so thankfully everyone kept talking to me and asking questions about Ellie and my previous birth experience.  You would think it would be more stressful for me, laying on a table getting ready to have surgery, to explain to everyone in the operating room how I had eclamptic seizures, an emergency c-section, and didn't meet my baby until she was 4 days old...but it was actually very calming for me.  It reminded me how different this experience was, and it kept my mind off all of the weird sensations I was having while laying on the table.  Anyway, the doctor tested to make sure that I was completely numb, and then Billy was allowed to come in.

They started surgery...Billy sat next to me and held my hand, we talked and kept asking each other if we were okay, and I kept asking if he had the camera ready because I wanted to make sure he got a picture as soon as possible.  The doctor also talked to us while he was cutting through the layers (sounds gross, but it was calming for me to hear him talk about my scar tissue being minimal from my previous surgery and telling me that he was getting through each layer of skin).  Within 15 minutes, Piper was born at 10:55 am.  They immediately lowered the blue curtain and held her over so that I could see her sweet little face before they took her to clean up a little.  Billy went to cut the umbilical cord and take pictures while they rubbed her down...then he wrapped her in a blanket and brought her to me.  I was able to touch her face and talk to her for a few minutes, and then she and Billy went to the nursery.  The doctor then started closing me up, which took about 25 minutes I guess.  He used dissolvable stitches under my skin to close the incision so that I don't have to have staples removed later (thank goodness!).  During this part of the surgery I started to feel kinda drowsy.  I'm not sure if it's because they gave me some medicine after Piper was out (I was adamant that I didn't want anything in my system that I didn't absolutely need, at least until Piper was born to reduce her exposure to the medication).  I know the anesthesiologist gave me something to help prevent nausea right after Piper was born, since I have a family history of vomiting post-surgery (it sounds silly, but both my mom and grandmother have this reaction anytime they receive anesthesia and it is so unpleasant).  And then it was over, and the nurse and anesthesiologist moved me into a maternity room.  They had it set up as a temporary recovery room with lots of equipment and monitors for my recovery period, which lasted about an hour, and then removed all that stuff so that it was just a regular room.

Billy came to be with me while I was recovering; Piper was in the nursery being cleaned up and suctioned.  She had a lot of mucous and amniotic fluid in her body that was kinda stubborn and took a while for the nurses to clear out (another reason vaginal births are better for babies...but that's neither here nor there haha).  Once I had been in recovery for about 30 minutes and they still hadn't brought Piper to me I became very anxious.  I made it very clear before she was born that I wanted her in my arms as soon as possible, mainly because she's my child and I want her with me and I also wanted to start breastfeeding as soon as possible, since my separation from Ellie made breastfeeding a huge challenge and eventual failure last time.  My nurse explained about the mucous problem, so I gave them another ten minutes and then I became very demanding.  It had been an hour since she was born and I needed to see and hold my baby.  I started choking up trying to explain this to my nurse, and she told me she would bring her to me.  She asked if it mattered that she hadn't been bathed yet and I was like, "Seriously, I don't care!"  At that point Piper could have been covered in any kind of nastiness and I wouldn't have cared at all.  The nurse immediately left the room and 5 minutes later I had Piper in my arms (another reason I loved my nurse).  I was able to nurse her for about 20 minutes and then they took her back to the nursery to finish messing with her.  I was sad that I couldn't hold her longer, but understood that they needed to bathe her and clear out the mucous situation.  That's the only thing I would change about this hospital...they require the babies to be in the nursery for any and all treatments.  If the pediatrician is evaluating her, she has to be in the nursery.  If she's getting a bath, she has to be in the nursery.  Kind of annoying, but at least I wasn't separated from her for very long.

After that, my family came in to visit and then a little while later Piper came back to me (for good this time!).  The nurse asked who wanted to hold her first (since my whole family was in there) and I immediately said, "Me!" since I had been deprived of her before that lol.  I did share her with everyone else after I had had some time to hold and get to know her.  =)

I stayed in the hospital until Sunday, and then we were both discharged.  I am glad to be home, but it has certainly been a challenge getting used to our new "normal."  Ellie has reacted very well to Piper and is *generally* very gentle and sweet around her.  She's had a few big sister bully moments, like stealing Piper's pacifier out of her mouth and then running away with it, but other than that she's been great.  The hard part has been adjusting to getting up in the middle of the night again (I have been spoiled by Ellie...sleeping through the night since she was 10 weeks old!) and learning Piper's likes and dislikes.  Ellie HAD to be swaddled in order to sleep...Piper doesn't seem to like it.  Ellie hated the pacifier, and Piper can't seem to stop searching for something to suck on.  Ellie was pretty easy in that she would nap after every feeding...and Piper (at least right now) has a very hard time napping until about 2 or 3 in the afternoon.  So she's very alert and awake from her morning feeding around 7-8 am until the mid afternoon, which makes for a very fussy, overtired baby and a very frustrated mommy.  Thankfully, though, the past couple of nights have been better and she's gone back to sleep after I feed her in the middle of the night.  The first couple of nights we were home she would become extremely alert after eating at night and would stay awake for 2 or 3 hours until I would feed her again and she would finally sleep.  I have no clue why she won't sleep in the morning, because she's obviously very tired, and I think I've tried just about everything...swaddling/not swaddling, pacifier/no pacifier, bouncer, swing, boppy pillow, holding her, nursing her, rocking her, burping her, gas drops...and so far we haven't found the magic charm.  I know it's just a phase and that this whole newborn period is only a season of her life, but it's hard to see beyond it when you're in the middle of it.

I am forever grateful to everyone who prayed on our behalf...even though I didn't have the natural VBAC I had wanted (and I will likely never have that opportunity again), I had a great c-section experience and my recovery has been wonderful.  My pain in the hospital was minimal (I ended up taking one Percocet and the rest of the time I just took ibuprofen) and I'm not on any prescription medications now that I'm home.  I haven't been restricted at all post-surgery (just told to have common sense about what I do) and have been able to drive my car, lift Ellie, go up and down the stairs, do laundry, cook, etc.  A week after my surgery I feel completely normal and have no pain.  I have been able to breastfeed successfully so far, which has been a huge answer to prayer for me since it was such a struggle with Ellie and I had so many painful emotions over it when I decided to stop trying after three weeks.  It's certainly not easy or pain-free, but I keep reminding myself that this is worth it!  At Piper's first doctor's visit (5 days old) she was only an ounce under her birth weight (and had gained 9 ounces since being discharged two days before!).  

For those folks who have been praying for us, thank you!  And I would be forever grateful for your continued prayers as we adjust to this new season of our lives.  I have had some emotional ups and downs (standard for the postpartum days but still unpleasant!) and I really dislike being that crazy mom who cries over strange things, like expressing the desire to get out of the house and then refusing to go when I have the opportunity (poor Billy just about ripped his hair out over that one lol).  Anyway, these are stressful days for us but we are so grateful to have a healthy baby girl and that I'm perfectly healthy and recovering well.  It has certainly been *completely* different this time around and I praise God for it!

Piper Josephine Ephraim
April 13, 2012
7 lbs. 10 oz. and 19 in.

Coming to the end....

This has definitely been a reflective past few days for me, knowing that Piper will be born sometime this week.  I had my 40 week appointment last Friday, which was my due date.  I've hesitated writing about it, because I guess everyone knows my feelings by now about the scheduled c-section, but I feel like writing today so here it is.

I spent the entire doctor's appointment crying.  I know that seems ridiculous.  It kinda is.  But remember, my hormones are insane right now, and I'm going to have to do something I don't want to do...so I think I kinda had the right to cry on Friday, haha.  Anyway, my appointment was pretty early in the morning, around 8:30, so I was probably the first patient to see the doctor that morning.  At 9:15 they still hadn't called me back, and about 10 or so people had come in after me and had already been called back, so I asked the receptionist if everything was okay.  She checked on the situation for me...come to find out, there was some kind of glitch in their new computer system and the nurse didn't know I had checked in, so she hadn't called me yet.  Very frustrating for me.

So they finally call me back, and the nurse (one I've seen once before) starts asking me questions like, "So why are you having a scheduled c-section?" (hello, it's in my chart!) and "Did you have high blood pressure in your first pregnancy?" (again, read the info lady).  Then we start going over the information for my c-section on the 13th, including what time it's scheduled for and when we're supposed to arrive at the hospital.  When I scheduled it, they gave me a piece of paper that said it would be at 10 am...and now the nurse says 11:30, but I was never notified of that.  She then tells me that it was rescheduled for 3 pm, then moved again to 11:30 am.  I'm so confused by then, and I tell the nurse that I was never told of it being rescheduled and that she needs to double check the information and get back to me.

So she leaves me in the room with a piece of paper that reviews the risks involved in a c-section that I need to read over before seeing the doctor.  I sit there reading this sheet and become completely overwhelmed because it's talking about things like blood loss/need for transfusion/risk of HIV infection, uterine infection/hysterectomy, uterine rupture, injury to the baby, etc. and I'm thinking, "Really...they're basically forcing me to have a c-section and then they want me to sign my consent based on reading all the risks, which sound way worse than just letting me go to 42 weeks and hoping for a VBAC."  So then I start crying and freaking out.  I now realize that I made a huge mistake in not making Billy come to the appointment with me.  I probably would have had much more self control with him there, and even if I didn't he would be there to calm me down, since he's just about the only person who can get me calm and happy after a huge emotional episode.  So I try to calm down but I just can't...and then the doctor walks in and he's like, "So, are you ready?!" in this happy excited voice and I'm like, "NO!"  Haha...he then realizes that I'm not happy and I'm freaking out, so he sits down and asks me what's going on.  He was actually VERY kind and understanding, and listened to all of my fears and worries and concerns.  We talked about what happened with Ellie's birth and why my c-section experience was so not normal.  He reassured me that this experience will be different, and then walked me through the entire procedure.  I was still crying and carrying on through all of this (so props to the doctor for actually being able to talk while I'm hyperventilating and carrying on with tears and snot all over the place...and kudos to him for not laughing at me, since I probably looked ridiculous).  I left the office feeling better...although still not happy about the surgery.  But I just don't really have a choice.  These are their rules, and I guess I could always reject their advice, but then I'd be forfeiting my ability to be a patient at that office and I'm pretty sure they're more "natural-friendly" than the other office here in town.  Plus, I understand their concerns, especially since I've had a previous c-section and the risks for an induced VBAC far outweigh the risks of a repeat c-section.

Needless to say, I'm still pretty bitter about it.  And angry.  And frustrated.  And pretty much any other negative emotion you can think of.  I know this could be SO much worse...and logically I know that I have so much to be thankful for, considering how terrible my birth experience with Ellie was.  I've been reliving that experience this week, trying to get a better perspective on things.  I was kinda hoping that thinking about how awful her birth was would help me see this one in a better light, but so far it's not really working.  I feel pretty confident, though, that this c-section will be a million times better than my last one, and that after it's all said and done on Friday I won't care one bit how Piper was born, just that she's safe and healthy and that I get to hold her.

Poor Billy...he has been SO patient with me through all of this...all of my ranting and raving and carrying on about how this isn't right or fair.  He's been very understanding and supportive, for which I am so very thankful.  I know it can't be easy for him, listening to me talk about this constantly.  And especially because I feel like I'm crying all of the time (an exaggeration; but seriously, at least once a day at this point).  God truly blessed me with a husband who has unending patience with me and who also gives me grace on a daily basis.  I am SO thankful that Billy will be with me in surgery on Friday...there is no possible way I could do this by myself, especially without him.  I'm fairly certain he'll be sitting next to me cracking jokes and coming up with new nicknames for Piper (a special talent of his).  Just today he referred to her as "Chumpkin Numero Dos" (one of his nicknames for Ellie is "Chumpkin") and "The Squeakquel"...lol.

I would appreciate any prayers from folks who read this...especially prayers that God would give me peace about how things have turned out.  I don't even need God to show my why I'm not having a VBAC...just that I would have peace about it and come to terms with how things have ended up differently than I anticipated.  Because if God is allowing me to have a c-section, then I know there's a purpose behind it.  I might never know what that is, but it doesn't matter.  I just want to be okay with it and stop being angry over it.  At this point, it doesn't look very likely that I'll have a VBAC...I guess there's still a slight chance it could happen, but the doctor today said it's not "favorable."  So, realistically, it's probably not going to happen.  God can still work a miracle in my body (which would be amazing!), but I understand at this point that I need to mentally and physically prepare myself for the surgery.  So it's time for me to move forward, get over my bitterness and anger, and just look forward to holding my precious baby girl in three days.  Three days!  And on Friday the 13th...hehe =)

Thank you all for bearing with me during this time...I know I have probably been the most annoying person ever, constantly ranting and raving about this one thing.  Soon, it will be over, and then I'll be talking non-stop about how amazingly cute Piper is and how stressful life with two kids under two is.  Stressful, but wonderful! =)

Consignment Shopping!

Yesterday I was able to go to Harrisonburg's twice-a-year children's consignment sale, The Village Closet.  Back when we lived in Lynchburg I always tried to go to Kidz Kraze and usually found some super-cheap clothing there, and so when we moved to Harrisonburg I immediately googled for something similar.  I was so excited to know that we have one here and as soon as it became available I signed up for the new moms pre-sale (being pregnant definitely has some perks!).  I was able to get in to the sale before it opened to the public, meaning I could get some of the good stuff before it was gone AND not have to fight a huge crowd, since the pre-sale had a cap on the number of people who could come.

I didn't have a big shopping list...really, all I needed were some basic clothes for Ellie.  Piper has tons of clothing already (lots of precious new things we've gotten as gifts from family, plus PLENTY of hand-me-downs from Ellie and cousins Brooklyn and Bethany).  I made a list of things I wanted to try to get for Ellie, including a pair of jeans, shorts, shirts, a fall jacket if possible, and a skirt or two, and I had a budget of $35.  I was actually able to get everything on the list except for the jacket...I just didn't see anything that looked like it would work for her.  I'll probably find something at either the next sale or when Old Navy does the performance fleece sales in the fall.  I got a fleece jacket for Ellie last year for pretty cheap from Old Navy when they had that sale and I think it was about $5, a decent price in my book!

Anyway, I was so excited to leave the sale with 13 items for $23!  Ellie now has 7 "new" shirts, 3 pairs of shorts, a skirt, a pair of jeans, and a skirt with built-in leggings.  The "skirt leggings" and jeans were both from Baby Gap, and they were only $2.50 each and looked like they had never been worn.  And some of the shirts and shorts were only $1, which I couldn't believe!

My loot for Ellie

Of course, I couldn't go to a children's clothing sale and not look at the little baby clothes...but I just couldn't bring myself to buy anything because Piper has so much already.  I did, however, buy two precious headbands for Piper from my friends Dawn and Alissa from Crafted in Grace.  They had an adorable booth set up at the sale with handmade bows, headbands, and bowties.  I found a super-cute flower headband in white (which I figured would go with anything!) and a plain headband that I can use to clip regular bows on.  I have a ton of bows left over from Ellie...so now that we have a headband, hopefully we'll be able to use them more this time around!  I spent $6 on these, so I spent $29 total...$6 under my budget! =)

Aren't these precious?!  Can't wait to see Piper wearing one =)

Ellie and I had a good time shopping, and I'm so thankful we got a few needed items (plus some fun, cute things!) for great prices.

More freezer cooking and a pregnancy update!

Definitely going through a weird time right now.  My energy levels are constantly changing...one minute I'll feel like I'm about to fall asleep, and the next I'm doing laundry and trying to make three recipes at one time.  This must just be a pregnancy thing...I'm obviously physically tired, but the nesting instinct is urging me to do a bazillion things.  And I'm not normally a highly-motivated person when it comes to doing things around the house.  I'll usually do the same few chores every day, like laundry, loading/unloading the dishwasher, and making dinner...but beyond that I'm not really interested in doing anything else...haha.

Anyway, so I've been finishing up some of my freezer cooking...the list has changed somewhat since I originally posted about it.  I got all the dinner meals done first (thank goodness because if I had known how exhausting that would be...I probably wouldn't have done it!) and now I'm just doing some random baking here and there when I feel like it.  I've made: 

• Whole Wheat Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies -- Definitely my favorite chocolate chip cookie (so far!)
• Whole Wheat Banana Nut Bread -- Only about 2/3 of the loaf made it into the freezer...this stuff is amazing and addictive!  And I LOVE this recipe...it calls for 1/4 cup of honey instead of sugar.  And I think it tastes waaaay better than my old recipe.  If you try this one though, make sure you use extremely ripe bananas (basically really brown and mushy), especially if you are used to a very sweet tasting bread.  I like mine a little less sweet anyway, but Billy wasn't very impressed the first time I made this recipe (using normal bananas).  This time around I knew to let my bananas get overripe, and it turned out great.
• Breakfast Burritos for Billy -- This time I made 20 burritos (which is what the original recipe calls for; I've been doing 10 in the past).  He's been flying through them and it seemed like I was making them once a week.  Hopefully these will last a little longer! =)
• Homemade Poptarts -- I saw this on Pinterest and had all the ingredients, so I gave them a shot over the weekend.  They turned out okay...not amazing, not terrible.  They're just kinda bland, which could probably be fixed by adding a cinnamon-sugar mixture to the top and more jelly inside.  I was a little too conservative with how much jelly I used for fear that they would leak all over the place.  And I would definitely use some kind of size-template for cutting them...I have some that are humungous and others that are teeny tiny.  They weren't a waste, though!  I've been eating them for breakfast this week and just adding more jelly to the top after reheating them in the toaster.  These freeze really well, and reheat great in the toaster if you put it on a higher setting.
• Chocolate Granola Bars -- These are so good.  I had all the ingredients on hand, so I made them this morning.  My plan is to freeze them...but I know I'll probably sneak a couple before sticking them in the bag.  These taste a lot like preacher cookies if you let the chocolate melt into the mixture before sticking it in the fridge.
• Pancakes -- This is a homemade pancake mix, and I think it tastes pretty good.  Definitely not as good as Bisquick...but that stuff is expensive!  I usually add some chocolate chips to my pancakes...because I love chocolate.

I would also REALLY love to make some muffins...and I found this recipe for Pumpkin Chocolate Chip muffins that looks really good.  But with my chocolate obsession lately we're out of chocolate chips, and I just couldn't bring myself to buy any more this week.  When it comes down to either buying fresh produce for your child or chocolate chips for yourself...you know which one wins!  I make it sound like we're broke, but it's really that I'm just very strict about our grocery budget.  We use cash to hold me accountable for our grocery purchases (which includes food, paper products, hygiene items, and dog food), and I've set that at $50 per week.  Some weeks I'm way under that, and other weeks (like this week) I come under it by just a few cents.  Part of the problem is that I spent about $20 of this week's budget at Target last week on some stockpile grocery items, like cheese, dry pasta, pasta sauce, and frozen/canned vegetables.  It's definitely more than I would normally spend at one time on those items, but now we've got plenty to get us through a few weeks after Piper arrives.  Anyway, after I had gotten everything on my "must have" list this week, I thought, "Hmm...we've got a couple bucks left, I could use it on chocolate chips and make those muffins!" and then immediately felt guilty because I hadn't gotten any fresh fruit for Ellie.  So we ended up in the produce section instead of the baking aisle, and I felt significantly better about myself as a mother lol.  So if I'm still pregnant next week, you can bet that chocolate chips will be on my list so that I can make those muffins =).

I'm still having some issues with the whole impending-C-section thing.  After my 39 week appointment last week, the doctor told me I have a very "prominent" pelvic bone, meaning that my bone structure makes for a very narrow space for Piper's head and shoulders to fit through.  The doctor said that it could potentially cause an issue if I were to go into labor...basically a couple hours of pushing and then they would "advise" me to have a C-section because she wasn't coming out.  However, she also said that I could have a totally normal birth with no complications...I think it mostly has to do with Piper's angle of exit and her size, and it's something that we'll just have to wait and see what happens.  I've been reading through our old Bradley class workbook to refresh myself on all the labor and birth information, which has been good.  Definitely glad I kept that!  I also read in it an article about c-sections, and that sometimes they're medically necessary and there's nothing you can do about it (like my situation with Ellie).  Reading it really encouraged me in knowing that I've worked just as hard as any other mother to bring my child into the world (preparation, health and fitness, etc.) and that a c-section doesn't undermine the 9 months of protecting and nourishing my baby that I've already done.  

I still desperately want to have a natural VBAC.  And I'm still not okay with the c-section.  But I've done everything I can possibly do at this point...I've done my best, now I just have to surrender it to God and trust Him with the outcome...which has been so hard for me.  I like being in control.  I like knowing what's going to happen.  I don't like surprises (except for the happy kind, like birthday presents or a drink from Chick-fil-A from my sweet husband!).  But I have experienced over and over and OVER again that I cannot plan my future.  Sure, I can look ahead and prepare for things, like school or becoming a mother or moving away.  But I can't plan out every little detail of my life according to my own wants, because being a follower of Christ doesn't work that way.  It's a tough pill to swallow, but I think the sooner I come to terms with it the better.  Billy and I have learned to leave our family's future very open-ended, because in the long run we're happier that way.  When we plan out all the little details, and then things don't go according to "plan," we're frustrated, angry, depressed, devastated...you name it.  But when we leave things open and just trust the Lord with our future, we're happy, pleasant, and joyful about the changes.  That's not always an instant thing (for example, Billy getting laid off from LifeWay back in 2010 just a few weeks after Ellie was born!).  But the joy and thankfulness come much easier and faster when we don't really have a specific plan to begin with.  I hope people won't read this as preachy toward them...I'm preaching to myself here.  When I accept God's control over my life and stop trying to tell God what to do, I'm a happier, more joyful, and optimistic person.  Lately, I've just felt stressed about having a c-section, annoyed at my body for not doing what it's supposed to do, and angry at God for not answering my prayers the way I wanted Him to.  None of these feelings are helpful.  I do have a right to feel the way I do about natural childbirth (that I want a natural VBAC and I want things to happen the way God designed) but being angry at Him for not granting me that particular thing isn't going to help at all, nor is it going to make me have the birth I've always wanted.  

I know some people really don't understand why I feel the way I do about it.  I've had a lot of people say, "Well, the most important thing is that the baby is healthy."  YES, I totally agree!  I hope no one thinks that just because I'm upset about a c-section means that I don't care about the health of my baby, because believe me, I do.  It's because I care about the health of my baby that I want a VBAC (a natural one, preferably, but I've never been in labor so I have no clue how painful it must be!).  And that doesn't mean that I think someone is a bad mother for having a c-section (hello, I've had one!) or an epidural...not at all!  It's hard for me to explain this, other than saying that this is what I want for myself and my baby.  I can't really explain it any other way.  So, long story short, I hope no one is offended or hurt by what I've said in this post...just know that I said these things for myself, not for you.

Aaaand that was a really, really long post.  But thank you for bearing with me.  It really does relieve a lot of my anxiety to try to explain things this way.  And now for a cuteness update!

"Helping" sweep the floor

Yes, we let our child climb up on the back of the couch to play with the light switch.  She was very entertained by this!

Ellie and Daddy having quiet time on the couch. (This was post-playground accident, hence the black eye)

Her favorite new seat!  I was in the kitchen this morning and came to check on her...this is what I found =)