Wow...I am SUPER emotional these days. I was just sitting here reading a blog about educating your child prior to them starting school (I Can Teach My Child) and felt that hot, bubbly feeling in my throat I get every time I'm about to cry. I guess the reason it happened is because I saw a picture of a mother and baby immediately after birth, and saw "that face" that every mommy gets when she sees her child for the first time. It's definitely the most amazing thing in the world. In retrospect, I guess I lament the fact that I didn't have that moment. I hardly even remember seeing Ellie that first time when she was 4 days old. I remember holding her (for what felt like a second) while I was wearing that stupid oxygen mustache-looking thing, and everything's blurry because I was still recovering from being on magnesium, which is supposed to help prevent seizures and lower blood pressure. It's on video, and sometimes I'll watch the video just so I can try to remember that moment. Unfortunately, it's not that "wow-this-is-my-baby!" moment, but really I was just thinking, "Wow. I blacked out...then I woke up and there was a baby. What now?" When they asked me if I was ready to hold her, I said, "I guess." What the heck?! What mother in her right mind would say that? It just demonstrates how out of my mind I was at that point.
Earlier today, I was cleaning Ellie's room and putting her Willow Tree figures back on her bookshelf. I am slightly obsessive when it comes to organization and the way things look (although you couldn't tell it from the way my house looks!), so I was organizing the different figures chronologically, from the pregnant figure to the mother holding the toddler (not there yet!). Looking at those little figures made me cry! So dumb, especially considering that I've seen just about every Willow Tree figure out there from working at LifeWay in high school and college. Anyway, I was just thinking about being pregnant, and how I had no idea the way things would end up going for the birth. So dumb, I know. I have a beautiful, healthy daughter who is just fine. I should count my blessings that neither of us have lasting problems, or even worse, had died. But I still deal with what happened every day.
Some days, it's just a fleeting thought about being in the hospital, or how Ellie was so tiny when she was born. Other days, like today, I relive the whole thing all over again, and remember awful things like how depressed I was, or the pain of pneumonia. I know it doesn't make sense, nor is it logical. But regardless of all that, our experience is a part of me for the rest of my life. I think that's expected. The part I can't get over yet is how emotional it makes me feel, and how I have so many regrets and questions.
What if I had followed my instincts and gone to the doctor, even though the nurse told me that I just needed to rest at home?
What if we hadn't gone to the hospital when we did?
Would I still be breastfeeding if I had just asked for help?
Would my baby not have reflux and spit up problems if I had continued to breastfeed?
These questions, along with so many others, will stay with me forever, I have no doubt about that. I can try to let go of them and count my blessings, but I think they'll always linger in my mind. Don't get me wrong; I thank God every day for the miracle He performed in our lives that week. He saved my life, and Ellie's life. He gave us a healthy daughter despite all the circumstances. He gave me a full recovery from a wide variety of problems, including hypertension, pneumonia, oxygen deprivation to my brain, blood loss, and central serous retinopathy. However, I just don't think I'll ever let go of the emotional pain I still experience over that whole experience.
I am comforted by the fact that so many moms experience the crazy emotions after having a baby, even those who had a normal pregnancy and birth. It's just a part of motherhood. I really thought it was over after the first couple of months, and my hormones were back to normal. I've had a resurgence of all these emotions recently. I get emotional over the dumbest things, like thinking about how Ellie is going to get married someday, and what am I going to do when my baby is all grown up?! It's hard for me to explain these feelings to my husband, I guess because men just don't experience life the same way women do. Yes, he loves our daughter, and no, he doesn't want to think about her growing up yet, but it just doesn't affect him the same way.
Anyway, I'm now rambling and going down random rabbit trails...this is my mind now. I'm not nearly as organized as I used to be (before Ellie), and I'm way more emotional. I'm having a hard time coping with all of that...maybe it's because Ellie was sick this week, and it's been hard on everyone? I'd like to think that there's a reason for all this craziness in my brain, but who knows.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Midweek Update
I feel like I've gotten behind in my blogging. I totally intended to make a post last week about my shopping, but I just got busy and before I knew it, the week was over. A quick recap of last week:
I had some fun at Kroger with a few freebies and cheap items, like free Ronzoni pasta, paper towels, frozen veggies, fruit snacks, and alfredo sauce. Gotta love it when Kroger does free giveaways! In the last giveaway, I was able to get coupons for free Bounty, Buitoni, Betty Crocker fruit snacks, and Green Giant Steamers. It got a little stressful trying to login at the right moment to get the coupon for the day, and by the end of it there were so many people participating that it was impossible to login (for me, anyway). However, I was super excited to get what I did, and thankful that Kroger runs these promotions every now and then. They have a new one going on right now (March to Savings), which is more like a lottery type of thing, but I've already gotten a free coupon for Pillsbury Savorings (some kind of pastry appetizer thing). I'll take what I can get!
This week, I repeated some of my deals from last week, since the Mega Event usually goes on for two weeks. I got 4 boxes of free Ronzoni again this week (we are now stocked up on pasta!), free ice cream, free eggs, plus more butter and cheese. Now that I'm making bread at home a lot, I use way more butter than I used to, so thankfully I was able to stock up with the Mega Event this week.
I also went to Walmart and Walgreens last week. At Walmart, I got a bottle of Similac for $1.84 (gotta use those coupons before they expire!) and the sponges for 34 cents each. At Walgreens, I got both of the Right Guard deodorants for free, and the Irish Spring deodorant for $4 total, plus got $4 back in Register Rewards. Billy laughs at me every time I come home with deodorant...he's got a nice stockpile in the closet now. I have to limit myself when I get to a point with certain items...for example, I stocked up on toilet paper about a month ago, so even if there's a great deal on toilet paper, I've promised myself that I wouldn't buy it. Same with fabric softener, toothpaste, and now deodorant.
I forgot to take pictures this week, but I used the $4 in Register Rewards from last week on these items: Almay eyeliner, Always pads, two toothbrushes, and two packs of gum. With coupons and the $4 in RR, I spent $1.08. I got back $7 in Register Rewards for next time!
Ellie and I went to Target last night (where we saw the lovely Jen Jensen!) and bought a bottle of Soft Scrub bathroom cleaner, a pack of pads, and a pair of baby socks...all for 21 cents! I am convinced that God provides deals when I need them...it seems like every time I'm about to run out of something, God has provided a way for me to get the item for much cheaper than usual (either with sales, coupons, or both). We are running low on bathroom cleaner and I was in need of some more, and just happened to check a couple of the blogs and found the deal on Soft Scrub. Looking back, I don't think one of my coupons technically covered the bathroom cleaner (it said all purpose cleaner), but Target was out of that so I tried the bathroom cleaner...I think my cashier didn't really care very much, so she just entered the coupon in and gave me the deal.
I've found that coupons can be hit or miss at Target. Sometimes, a person can use a coupon and get a great deal, and then you try the same coupon and item, and a cashier won't take it. I've read about many people having different experiences with the same coupon, and you would think that every store would accept the same coupons, but it just doesn't work out that way. For example, a while back there was a Target coupon for $1 off ibuprofen; they had a 24 count package priced at 97 cents, making it free with the coupon. I had no trouble with this deal, but I read about a lot of people who had issues because their cashier said that the 24 pack was travel sized, even though it wasn't at the time. It sounds awful, but I have a strategy for this: when checking out, pick either 1) a man or 2) a teenager. I'm not trying to swindle or hoodwink them, but it saves a lot of hassle. Half the time, I end up explaining to the cashier why the coupon works for that item, but they get caught up in "coupon vocabulary." If the coupon says one coupon per purchase, that means per item, not transaction. But I still get cashiers who don't differentiate between the two, and then we both end up frustrated. I've had much more success with getting through the checkout line quickly when I use my cashier strategy. Makes my life easier, and I don't hold up other people, as well.
In other news, Ellie has been a huge grump for about a week now. She had a cold all last week, and this week she's been very fussy and agitated. The mornings are the worst; she cries no matter what I do. I'll try holding her and comforting her, but it doesn't help at all; sometimes it just makes it worse. I lay her down....still crying. I got to the point yesterday where I just broke down because I was so overwhelmed. I know that as she gets older, she'll be harder to please (food and snuggles just won't do it every time anymore), but this was beyond her being annoyed; I felt like she was in pain. I decided to call the doctor and made an appointment for this afternoon.
This will be our last sick visit with a co-pay; after this, we'll have to start paying for the sick visits in full...which means at least $100 every time she goes. That's how it was on our old insurance...we paid every time she went to the doctor, even for the regular checkups. I'm thankful for the new insurance, but we've blown through her 3 sick visits with a co-pay, and it's only March. Billy and I still have our 3 co-pay visits, but we probably won't use them. We avoid going to the doctor if at all possible. Especially after last year, I want to stay away from every doctor's office and hospital. We drove past Virginia Baptist the other day, and I actually started to feel nauseous thinking about being there last year. I'm glad that by the time we have our next child, we won't be living in Lynchburg anymore. I don't know if I could handle the feeling of being in that hospital again.
On a different subject, I tried buying bone-in split chicken breasts last week. I have NEVER bought anything with bones in it, other than a whole chicken, which we put in the rotisserie oven. I've always bought boneless, skinless chicken breasts because it's convenient...and honestly, I never knew what to do with a bone-in chicken breast. I read a tutorial about how to get the most from bone-in chicken breasts, titled Prepping Five Meals from Five Chicken Breasts. The author includes some helpful pictures and recipes to make the chicken stretch. I tried one recipe so far (Mexican Chicken Frittata)....it was okay, but not my favorite. I think if I put potatoes on the bottom of the casserole instead of bread, I would like it better. I don't like anything mushy or soggy, and the bread was very mushy after pouring 6 eggs and salsa over it.
Anyway, so I followed her instructions on how to prep bone in chicken breasts. I bought 7 lbs. of chicken breasts from Kroger last week that were 99 cents per pound (definitely cheaper than boneless, skinless chicken!). I trimmed the skin off, cut the meat off the bone (looks like a perfect chicken breast), boiled the bones and meat left over, and ended up with 7 whole chicken breasts, plus 3 cups of cooked, shredded chicken (from the bones).
This was my end product, as far as getting the chicken breasts trimmed and everything. Looks like they came straight from the package!
This is what was leftover...bones and chicken stuck to the bones. I boiled these on high for 20 minutes and ended up with this...
I picked the usable meat off the bones and ended up with 3 cups of shredded chicken.
I know this is gross, but this is all the skin and fat I trimmed off the chicken. Whenever I trim chicken breasts, I always put the leftovers in a pan and bake them at 350 degrees for about 20 minutes, then give them to Shelley. It's about the only people food Shelley gets, and we mix it in with some dog food for her dinner. She's super excited about it, and it means we have very little waste...plus, I don't have to worry about the trash can stinking later!
So that's what I've been up to recently...thanks for reading! Now I'm going to go and read Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince...yes, I'm still working on finishing the series. It's slow going when you can only read when both babies are sleeping, which is right now!
~Kristen
This week, I repeated some of my deals from last week, since the Mega Event usually goes on for two weeks. I got 4 boxes of free Ronzoni again this week (we are now stocked up on pasta!), free ice cream, free eggs, plus more butter and cheese. Now that I'm making bread at home a lot, I use way more butter than I used to, so thankfully I was able to stock up with the Mega Event this week.
I forgot to take pictures this week, but I used the $4 in Register Rewards from last week on these items: Almay eyeliner, Always pads, two toothbrushes, and two packs of gum. With coupons and the $4 in RR, I spent $1.08. I got back $7 in Register Rewards for next time!
Ellie and I went to Target last night (where we saw the lovely Jen Jensen!) and bought a bottle of Soft Scrub bathroom cleaner, a pack of pads, and a pair of baby socks...all for 21 cents! I am convinced that God provides deals when I need them...it seems like every time I'm about to run out of something, God has provided a way for me to get the item for much cheaper than usual (either with sales, coupons, or both). We are running low on bathroom cleaner and I was in need of some more, and just happened to check a couple of the blogs and found the deal on Soft Scrub. Looking back, I don't think one of my coupons technically covered the bathroom cleaner (it said all purpose cleaner), but Target was out of that so I tried the bathroom cleaner...I think my cashier didn't really care very much, so she just entered the coupon in and gave me the deal.
I've found that coupons can be hit or miss at Target. Sometimes, a person can use a coupon and get a great deal, and then you try the same coupon and item, and a cashier won't take it. I've read about many people having different experiences with the same coupon, and you would think that every store would accept the same coupons, but it just doesn't work out that way. For example, a while back there was a Target coupon for $1 off ibuprofen; they had a 24 count package priced at 97 cents, making it free with the coupon. I had no trouble with this deal, but I read about a lot of people who had issues because their cashier said that the 24 pack was travel sized, even though it wasn't at the time. It sounds awful, but I have a strategy for this: when checking out, pick either 1) a man or 2) a teenager. I'm not trying to swindle or hoodwink them, but it saves a lot of hassle. Half the time, I end up explaining to the cashier why the coupon works for that item, but they get caught up in "coupon vocabulary." If the coupon says one coupon per purchase, that means per item, not transaction. But I still get cashiers who don't differentiate between the two, and then we both end up frustrated. I've had much more success with getting through the checkout line quickly when I use my cashier strategy. Makes my life easier, and I don't hold up other people, as well.
In other news, Ellie has been a huge grump for about a week now. She had a cold all last week, and this week she's been very fussy and agitated. The mornings are the worst; she cries no matter what I do. I'll try holding her and comforting her, but it doesn't help at all; sometimes it just makes it worse. I lay her down....still crying. I got to the point yesterday where I just broke down because I was so overwhelmed. I know that as she gets older, she'll be harder to please (food and snuggles just won't do it every time anymore), but this was beyond her being annoyed; I felt like she was in pain. I decided to call the doctor and made an appointment for this afternoon.
This will be our last sick visit with a co-pay; after this, we'll have to start paying for the sick visits in full...which means at least $100 every time she goes. That's how it was on our old insurance...we paid every time she went to the doctor, even for the regular checkups. I'm thankful for the new insurance, but we've blown through her 3 sick visits with a co-pay, and it's only March. Billy and I still have our 3 co-pay visits, but we probably won't use them. We avoid going to the doctor if at all possible. Especially after last year, I want to stay away from every doctor's office and hospital. We drove past Virginia Baptist the other day, and I actually started to feel nauseous thinking about being there last year. I'm glad that by the time we have our next child, we won't be living in Lynchburg anymore. I don't know if I could handle the feeling of being in that hospital again.
On a different subject, I tried buying bone-in split chicken breasts last week. I have NEVER bought anything with bones in it, other than a whole chicken, which we put in the rotisserie oven. I've always bought boneless, skinless chicken breasts because it's convenient...and honestly, I never knew what to do with a bone-in chicken breast. I read a tutorial about how to get the most from bone-in chicken breasts, titled Prepping Five Meals from Five Chicken Breasts. The author includes some helpful pictures and recipes to make the chicken stretch. I tried one recipe so far (Mexican Chicken Frittata)....it was okay, but not my favorite. I think if I put potatoes on the bottom of the casserole instead of bread, I would like it better. I don't like anything mushy or soggy, and the bread was very mushy after pouring 6 eggs and salsa over it.
Anyway, so I followed her instructions on how to prep bone in chicken breasts. I bought 7 lbs. of chicken breasts from Kroger last week that were 99 cents per pound (definitely cheaper than boneless, skinless chicken!). I trimmed the skin off, cut the meat off the bone (looks like a perfect chicken breast), boiled the bones and meat left over, and ended up with 7 whole chicken breasts, plus 3 cups of cooked, shredded chicken (from the bones).
So that's what I've been up to recently...thanks for reading! Now I'm going to go and read Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince...yes, I'm still working on finishing the series. It's slow going when you can only read when both babies are sleeping, which is right now!
~Kristen
Friday, March 11, 2011
Finding Joy in the Little Things
It's been a while since my last post. I haven't encountered any amazingly good deals this week, so I just got what I needed to get us through the week. I did use a few great coupons on Similac ready to feed quarts this week, so I was able to get four bottles for about $1 each. I also found some good deals at Target with coupons, but nothing noteworthy.
I wanted to dedicate this blog post to finding joy in simple things. No breakdowns of shopping trips...I just want to talk about the things that matter.
We started Ellie on solid foods a few weeks ago. Initially, it gave her horrible gas and I was worried that she'd never get over it. We used Mylicon drops like they were going out of style, and finally she got over that hurdle. Now that she's tried several types of food, she's gotten into her stride with eating. Thank goodness we can finally cut back on the formula!
I fed Ellie her breakfast this morning (oatmeal and applesauce mixed together...even makes it seem tasty to me!). It brought me so much joy to see this...
This little rascal snatched her spoon and tried to feed herself. Or at least that's what I tell myself she's doing. Really, she just sees something interesting and sticks it in her mouth. Regardless of the reason, I let her go for it. Sure, it makes a HUGE mess (the spoon was full of oatmeal-applesauce mixture...which didn't make it into her mouth), but it's worth it to let her become more independent and let her explore the art of eating. I try to let her hold the spoon, if she wants to, and guide it into her mouth. But sometimes, she's wants to do it by herself. =)
I know I've got to cherish these moments, because they'll be gone before I know it, and she'll be walking and talking very soon. There are moments when I worry, "Is she developing fast enough? Is it bad that she's not sitting on her own yet? Am I a bad mother because she's not ahead of everyone else?" I want to make sure I'm aware of what I need to teach Ellie, but at the same time I'm afraid that I'm rushing her into growing up. It's days like this when I realize this: she's happy, she's healthy, and she'll grow up when it's time. I'm going to cherish the oatmeal covered smile, and just enjoy today.
Another moment that brings a smile to my face is this....
I love seeing Billy interact with Ellie. He's definitely the fun parent...I'm the one who does the dirty work and sometimes makes Ellie cry, but he's the one who can always make her smile!
In this photo, he was letting Ellie stand on the floor so she could get a better look at Shelley. Ellie is madly in love with Shelley...she laughs and smiles at her almost as much as she does with Billy. She loves to "pet" Shelley...every time Shelley walks past her, she reaches her little hands out to touch her. So sweet. Anyway, Ellie was laughing at Shelley because she yawned...apparently that was very amusing.
I love my little family. We don't have much, and we live in a very small house, but we're comfortable and content. I've got a great husband who manages our finances so that we can survive for a whole year without him working, plus he does everything he can to make Ellie and I happy. He loves our daughter so much...can't ask for a better man! Ellie, of course, is my joy...I can't imagine life without her now. I look back at everything I did before having a baby...and not much of it matters to me now. And I can't forget Shelley. She's my first baby...even though she can get annoying occasionally, she makes it up with her sweet face and her gentleness with Ellie.
Another, not so sentimental, joy I've discovered recently is using my bread machine...
(Sorry the photo is lame and from the website, but I'm too lazy to go take a picture of mine, which looks exactly like this...)
I have found that I love to make bread! It's cheaper than buying fancy bread from the store, and I can make whatever I want. So far, I've made rolls, cinnamon swirl bread, and french bread...all from scratch and using my bread machine. I had to make the initial purchase of yeast, but everything else I always have on hand (flour, milk, eggs, sugar, salt...etc.). I love when Billy thanks me for making homemade bread....it really motivates me to keep doing it. And it's not like it's really time consuming...the bread machine makes the dough for me, I just have to put the ingredients in. Then all it takes is letting the bread sit for a while, popping it in the oven, and then it's done!
I wonder why it's so hard for us to treasure the simple things in life...our families...making bread....sitting down with a good book. You would think that we would realize in the moment that these things are worthwhile and edifying, or just make us happy...but I know I usually take these things for granted. I get so caught up in everything else, like trying to clean my house, or going to the store, or using every media device available (cell phone, computer, TV, iPod, etc.) that I sometimes miss out on the simple moments that are the most enjoyable. Billy and I decided last week that we want to cut down on the time we spend watching TV. Now, we only watch the shows we actually want to see, instead of just turning on the TV when it's too quiet in the house. Thank goodness this is working for us, because I've noticed just in the past week how much easier it is to go to bed at 9:00, and how I feel like we've spent time together as a family. I just don't want to waste my life away spending time with electronics and cleaning products and miss out on the time I could spend with my family, or in quiet solitude enjoying a book, or the time I could spend in the kitchen making something for my family. Does anyone else feel this way? I just want to use my time wisely, on the things that really matter in my life. And I want to pass that on to Ellie, instead of raising her to be a texting-addicted TV junkie. I swear, some days I really would love to move out into the middle of nowhere, with no Internet connection or cell phone service, and just live in peace without all the noise!
Kristen
I wanted to dedicate this blog post to finding joy in simple things. No breakdowns of shopping trips...I just want to talk about the things that matter.
We started Ellie on solid foods a few weeks ago. Initially, it gave her horrible gas and I was worried that she'd never get over it. We used Mylicon drops like they were going out of style, and finally she got over that hurdle. Now that she's tried several types of food, she's gotten into her stride with eating. Thank goodness we can finally cut back on the formula!
I fed Ellie her breakfast this morning (oatmeal and applesauce mixed together...even makes it seem tasty to me!). It brought me so much joy to see this...
This little rascal snatched her spoon and tried to feed herself. Or at least that's what I tell myself she's doing. Really, she just sees something interesting and sticks it in her mouth. Regardless of the reason, I let her go for it. Sure, it makes a HUGE mess (the spoon was full of oatmeal-applesauce mixture...which didn't make it into her mouth), but it's worth it to let her become more independent and let her explore the art of eating. I try to let her hold the spoon, if she wants to, and guide it into her mouth. But sometimes, she's wants to do it by herself. =)
I know I've got to cherish these moments, because they'll be gone before I know it, and she'll be walking and talking very soon. There are moments when I worry, "Is she developing fast enough? Is it bad that she's not sitting on her own yet? Am I a bad mother because she's not ahead of everyone else?" I want to make sure I'm aware of what I need to teach Ellie, but at the same time I'm afraid that I'm rushing her into growing up. It's days like this when I realize this: she's happy, she's healthy, and she'll grow up when it's time. I'm going to cherish the oatmeal covered smile, and just enjoy today.
Another moment that brings a smile to my face is this....
In this photo, he was letting Ellie stand on the floor so she could get a better look at Shelley. Ellie is madly in love with Shelley...she laughs and smiles at her almost as much as she does with Billy. She loves to "pet" Shelley...every time Shelley walks past her, she reaches her little hands out to touch her. So sweet. Anyway, Ellie was laughing at Shelley because she yawned...apparently that was very amusing.
I love my little family. We don't have much, and we live in a very small house, but we're comfortable and content. I've got a great husband who manages our finances so that we can survive for a whole year without him working, plus he does everything he can to make Ellie and I happy. He loves our daughter so much...can't ask for a better man! Ellie, of course, is my joy...I can't imagine life without her now. I look back at everything I did before having a baby...and not much of it matters to me now. And I can't forget Shelley. She's my first baby...even though she can get annoying occasionally, she makes it up with her sweet face and her gentleness with Ellie.
Another, not so sentimental, joy I've discovered recently is using my bread machine...
I have found that I love to make bread! It's cheaper than buying fancy bread from the store, and I can make whatever I want. So far, I've made rolls, cinnamon swirl bread, and french bread...all from scratch and using my bread machine. I had to make the initial purchase of yeast, but everything else I always have on hand (flour, milk, eggs, sugar, salt...etc.). I love when Billy thanks me for making homemade bread....it really motivates me to keep doing it. And it's not like it's really time consuming...the bread machine makes the dough for me, I just have to put the ingredients in. Then all it takes is letting the bread sit for a while, popping it in the oven, and then it's done!
I wonder why it's so hard for us to treasure the simple things in life...our families...making bread....sitting down with a good book. You would think that we would realize in the moment that these things are worthwhile and edifying, or just make us happy...but I know I usually take these things for granted. I get so caught up in everything else, like trying to clean my house, or going to the store, or using every media device available (cell phone, computer, TV, iPod, etc.) that I sometimes miss out on the simple moments that are the most enjoyable. Billy and I decided last week that we want to cut down on the time we spend watching TV. Now, we only watch the shows we actually want to see, instead of just turning on the TV when it's too quiet in the house. Thank goodness this is working for us, because I've noticed just in the past week how much easier it is to go to bed at 9:00, and how I feel like we've spent time together as a family. I just don't want to waste my life away spending time with electronics and cleaning products and miss out on the time I could spend with my family, or in quiet solitude enjoying a book, or the time I could spend in the kitchen making something for my family. Does anyone else feel this way? I just want to use my time wisely, on the things that really matter in my life. And I want to pass that on to Ellie, instead of raising her to be a texting-addicted TV junkie. I swear, some days I really would love to move out into the middle of nowhere, with no Internet connection or cell phone service, and just live in peace without all the noise!
Kristen
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)