Gotta get this off my chest...

I figured it's been a little while since I've posted anything, so I thought I would take a few minutes of free time to do this.  I haven't hit on any great deals this week, and to be honest, I went over my budget on groceries.  I initially spent about $60 for the week, which is $10 over my goal.  With the snow forecast for this past Thursday, I thought I should go grab a few essential items just in case, plus the ingredients needed to cook dinner for a friend who just had a baby.  So I didn't do so hot on my spending this week....I guess it just means I'll have to be really good for the rest of the month!

Let me preface this next paragraph with a fact about myself: I'm a sucker for animals.  On Wednesday, we had a bag of trash sitting on our porch to go out to the trash can.  When I went outside to check the mail, one of the cats in our neighborhood had ripped open the bag and was digging through the trash.  After my initial annoyance, I started to feel sad for the cat.  It's important for you to know that this cat is missing one of his front legs...Billy and I call him "Legless."  It's kind of an inside joke, but at his old house in Roanoke, there was a cat who was missing its tail and we jokingly called him "Buttless."  Thus, when we moved here and saw the cat missing a leg, he was immediately dubbed "Legless."  He's been around the whole time we've lived here (2 and 1/2 years), so obviously someone feeds him or owns him.  I see him outside all the time, including night time, which sometimes makes me wonder if he has a home or if he's just a stray who has found this neighborhood to yield the most food.  For all I know, he could have some very loving owners who just let him stay outside all the time.  I have no clue.  Anyway, after cleaning up the trash on the porch, I took a bowl of water out to Legless.  He's a little skittish, so I coaxed him back onto the porch and started petting and talking to him.  He's very affectionate, and he started rubbing up against my legs and purring.  Now, I'm not really a cat person (there are only a few cats out there who have gained my affection--namely Jen's cat, Opal, who is the sweetest cat ever!).  But I started to feel so bad for Legless, so I called Billy and asked him if I could set food out for the cat.  Billy said yes, so I put a little dog food out for him and he ate a lot of it.  Then I started to feel really bad, so I bought a bag of cat food and have been refilling the dish whenever it's empty.  I always told myself that I wouldn't feed a stray cat, but I just couldn't help myself.  If it had been another cat that had all of its legs, I probably wouldn't have done anything, but I felt so bad for the handicapped cat I just had to do something.  So now I've kinda adopted this neighborhood cat.  I think I'm turning into my Poppaw...he feeds all the roaming cats in his neighborhood, too.

Well, today I had a moment of frustration.  Most of my friends and family know how Billy and I have chosen to raise Ellie.  We want her to become a well adjusted, happy child who grows into a confident and compassionate adult.  I think everyone wishes that for their children.  We have chosen to give her a structured home life, mainly because it is beneficial for all three of us.  If I don't have structure to my day, all I will do is sit around in my pajamas and watch TV.  There are some moms out there who are naturally efficient and motivated....I am not one of them.  After Ellie was born, I noticed how lazy I felt and all I wanted to do was sit around.  I had already read several parenting books and heard countless advice from friends and family, and decided to employ the Babywise method.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with it, it's basically a feeding and sleeping method that helps your child get into a natural routine and helps with sleeping through the night.  The main objective is to guide your child to eat, play, and then sleep.  Many babies fall asleep while they're eating or go quickly after they're finished, only to wake up after a short nap and then get fussy because they are bored.  This method helps the baby get a full feeding, then spend some time awake, and then take an effective nap, so that by the time they are done with their nap it is time to feed them again.

Billy and I have used this method of feed-wake-sleep since Ellie was about 3 weeks old.  I have heard countless people tell me how effective this method is, and that it has helped their children sleep well at night.  It has worked well for us.  Ellie slept through the night for the first time at 7 weeks old (after her doctor said she may sleep as long as she wants at night--basically, that she didn't physically need to be fed in the middle of the night anymore), and started sleeping through the night consistently by 10 weeks old.  We never denied her a bottle in the middle of the night, but we did start trying to get her to go back to sleep if she would wake up.  The first time I tried this, she woke up around 6 am after 6 hours of sleep.  All I did was go in, pat her and tell her I love her, turn on her nature sounds, and she went right back to sleep without crying.  Other days, I would do the same thing, and if she started crying louder or longer, I would feed her.  Eventually, she grew out of this and has been sleeping through the night ever since.

I have recommended the book to many friends who ask me how she started sleeping through the night so early.  I always tell people that they know what is best for their child; if they don't like the method or have issues with it, you have the common sense to make the decision to stop using it and try something else.  Just because it works for my baby doesn't mean that it is gold or that everyone should agree with the philosophy.  It's what I use because it works for our family.  

A friend of mine posted an article on her Facebook that discusses the dangers of the Babywise method.  I read the complete article, and frankly, I completely disagree with the author's description of the method.  I found it a large misrepresentation of the book.  I won't go into all the details, but the author took a very extreme position on the book, referring to the method as promoting "child hatred" and the authors and organization behind it as "cult-like."  At first, I was extremely offended.  Not necessarily by my friend, who is certainly allowed to hold her own opinions, but rather by the author's opinion that people who follow this method are abusive.  Anyone who knows me and has seen my daughter is aware that I am not abusive, nor do I hate my child.  I was extremely frustrated by this article, and have, regrettably, spent most of my day fuming about it.  

I feel the need to explain something that I have felt very strongly about since having my baby.  YOU are the only person who knows what is best for your child.  No one else can tell you that your particular way of parenting is wrong or "not the best" (obviously, this does not include scumbag parents who abuse their children, whether it be emotionally or physically).  I don't care how you raise your child, as long as you are conscientious and compassionate.  I have struggled so often with the fact that I did not breastfeed Ellie.  God knows I tried, but it just didn't happen for us.  I have felt so much guilt and depression over knowing that I am not giving my daughter "the best," but I know that it was the best decision for us.  After what we went through and 2 weeks of trying to breastfeed without success, I knew that I could either continue trying to breastfeed and fall into a deeper depression, or I could let it go and understand that things don't always work out the way we want.  After making that decision, I became a much calmer and happier mother, and I was better able to take care of Ellie.  I will never publicly admonish someone else's parenting style or choices (I'm not perfect, so behind closed doors I feel like I can talk to Billy about what I agree and disagree with).  What works for us won't necessarily work for you, and vice versa.  Please don't think I am angry with my friend, because I'm not.  I'm angry with the author of the article.  Don't judge me until you've walked a mile in my shoes.  And another piece of advice...don't bash something until you've read the book, then you can hate it all you want.  And to the parents who "followed" the Babywise method and their children became malnourished and failed to thrive....you should have the common sense to know your child and know when he or she needs food.  This book recommends reading your baby's feeding cues and determining if he or she is truly hungry.  It DOES NOT tell parents to stick to a strict, clock-dependent feeding schedule.  I'm sorry, but the parents who have these issues because of Babywise:  it's not the book's fault, it's your fault.  You are ultimately responsible for your child....not a book, doctor, or anyone else.


Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I think I can get over it.  I apologize for ranting about it, but I have been so upset about it all day and didn't have anyone to talk to about it.  Please do not think I have issues with the way you raise your child, because I don't.  Just know that I don't like people telling me that the way I raise my child is wrong or abusive, because it's not.