A Thankless Job

Lately I've been struggling with a sense of inadequacy when it comes to what I'm doing with my life.  I'm a stay-at-home-mom, which I wouldn't give up for anything, but I've just started to feel kinda down on myself about it.  Sometimes I feel like anyone could do this job....that I'm easily replaceable.  Anyone could feed and clothe my kids, wipe their noses, change their diapers, etc.  Being a mom really is a thankless job.

When my days are exactly the same, and blur together so that I really don't remember what I've actually accomplished in the past month, I start to feel like I'm not accomplishing anything in this season of my life.  Sure, I've expanded my recipe repertoire, done a few DIY experiments, become a bit more frugal...but are those things really worth anything?

I know what my problem is...I measure my self-worth by the things that I accomplish.  Like getting a degree.  Or having a job.  It's not that I even want those things, but in my mind I think, "Oh, I'm working on becoming a teacher, so that makes me worth something to the rest of the world."  As a mom, I'm not really worth anything to anyone except Ellie and Piper, and they're not old enough to even say, "I love you," so some days I just feel like what I'm currently doing isn't important.

In the grand scheme of things, I do know that my job as their mother is important.  I have taken care of these girls from birth; feeding, clothing, changing, snuggling, loving, and comforting them from the moment I met them.  I have gotten up with both of them in the middle of the night countless times, whether it be to feed them, give them comfort, or clean up their middle-of-the-night messes.  I have watched my little Ellie grow from a 4 pound preemie into a walking, talking, interactive, and curious little girl.  Who taught her her first word?  I did.  Who taught her sign language?  I did.  Who taught her to clean up her messes, put away her clothes, and eat with a fork and spoon?  I did.  Could someone else have taught her those things?  Yes.  But they didn't...I did.

I like staying home with my children.  I don't have the desire to join the workforce at this point in my life. When my children are older, yes, I will get a job and probably enjoy that as a new challenge.  But for right now, I want to stay home with the girls.  I just have these moments of self-doubt where I believe that I'm not doing anything significant by staying home with my children.  Some days I wish someone would just tell me, "You're doing a great job with those girls.  Keep it up!"

I know that this is my calling for this season of my life.  God has purposely burdened my heart to stay home with my children, and He's made it financially possible for us to do that when both Billy and I thought that would never happen.  Are there times where we question what God has called us to do, and wondered if we're qualified or capable?  Absolutely.  The point is that I'm not qualified or capable to raise these girls, but that I'm willing to lean on God through it all.  I have to believe that one day I will see the fruits of my labor, even though it may be a very, very long time before that happens.  I have to trust that there is a purpose to me staying home and raising my children, no matter how dull, repetitive, overwhelming, or thankless it becomes.  I have to persevere on the days where I feel like giving up, when nothing goes right and all I've accomplished is getting out of bed.  This is a season...and I can't let my personal insecurities, jealousy, or fears dictate what I do.

If anyone ever says that being a stay-at-home mom is an easy job, I will seriously poke them in the eye.  =)