First of all, I have to say that I like this book a WHOLE lot more than I thought I would. I typically avoid reading non-fiction books, mainly because I think they're boring and I usually come away feeling like I need to change everything about my life. While this book is definitely giving me a lot to think about (and work on!), I don't feel like a complete failure...instead, I think I'm now a little more equipped to handle some of my anxiety issues. Dillow recognizes that almost ALL women worry about something (so I'm not alone!) and that it IS a sin to have anxiety. Before reading this book, I don't think I truly recognized anxiety as a sin...I just kind of saw it as something I have and don't know how to deal with sometimes. The author cites Philippians 4:6-7 and Matthew 6:25-34 as clear scriptural evidence that worry and anxiety are sinful. She dispels the myth that worrying about things makes you a better person/parent/friend. I'm so guilty of rationalizing my worries and telling myself that it's "natural" to worry about things I have no control over. Great example from this week...
First, I'll mention that the Internet can be a great thing...but it can also become a source for anxiety. I came across a blog earlier this week written by a single mom of a little boy with a very rare genetic skin disorder. She had a perfectly normal, healthy pregnancy and birth, then came to find out in the hospital after her baby was born that he had this terrible disease that caused his skin to erupt in blisters anytime he was rubbed or touched by something rough. I continued to read on her blog about all the trials they've gone through, about her hope in Christ, and how her little 2 year old boy has slowly deteriorated due to his disease and that one day it would take his life. I was just thinking how powerful that story was...and then I came across her most recent post that was just written on Saturday. Her little boy died shortly after waking up Saturday morning...in her arms.
After reading all of this, I just cried and cried. I'm crying right now as I'm remembering the story. Yes, maybe it's because I'm extremely hormonal right now, but it doesn't change the fact that this is such a powerful and heartbreaking story. After I calmed myself down, I started thinking about Piper (our baby due in April). I thought about what it would be like to not know that she had some crazy genetic disorder, and then to find out after she was born and somehow learn to cope and help her as much as I could. And then for her to die later in life...the point is, I lost all ability to think clearly at that point. I became paranoid, worried, and anxious that Piper had something wrong with her and I didn't know about it. I could feel the stress building up and my thoughts were consumed with worry and guilt about something that wasn't even TRUE for us.
I realized then how desperately I needed to read this book. I've come to recognize that almost everything I worry about has to do with the future...and 80% of it is outside of my control. Sure, I can take care of some things, like when I worried about finding a new OBGYN here in Harrisonburg. I finally decided one day that I was going to stop fretting about my new doctor and just call and get one. And you know what? After I called the office and got an appointment set up, I felt SO much better. I'm still a little nervous about how it will go, if I'll like the new doctor, etc., but I'm not worried about it anymore because I've done what I can. On the other hand, me worrying about things like Piper having some horrible genetic disorder when she's born or Ellie not knowing Christ when she gets older....those things really aren't in my hands. Yes, I can be healthy while I'm pregnant and teach Ellie about Jesus, but it's not up to me if my children will know Christ or have perfect health....it's up to God.
One last nugget of truth that I've gleaned from this book has to do with our anxiety over our season of life, or more specifically our "roles" in life. In chapter 4, Dillow discusses how often we experience stress and anxiety over where we are in life. She gives this example (paraphrased by me):
The teenager wants to be an adult so she can do what she wants;
The single woman (who can do whatever she wants) wants to get married;
The married woman (who now has her husband she so desperately wanted) wants to have kids;
The mother (who now has the children she longed for) wants her kids to grow up so she can have her life back;
The mother whose children have grown up wishes they were young again....
And the cycle just keeps going (and can be applied in so many other ways, whether it has to do with wanting more money, a better house, more freedom, etc.) I'm definitely guilty of this one. Looking back through the different seasons of life I've gone through, I've always wanted to be in the next season. When I was single, I wanted to get married. Once I got married, I wanted to have kids. Now that I have Ellie, I've wished that she would grow into the next phase of her life so that things would be "easier" (but they never are easier!). Dillow talks about having contentment with the season of life you're in and seeing it as your "assigned role" instead of just something you have to go through to get where you want to be. My assigned role right now is to be a mom to a toddler, and I have to find joy and contentment in this role instead of wishing for something else. This chapter really convicted me and has changed my perspective a little on how I go through the day, what my inner thoughts and motivations are. Granted, it's still hard and frustrating sometimes when Ellie is throwing her fifth temper tantrum of the day or when she won't nap longer than 45 minutes....but that's not every day, and it helps to remind myself that this is all part of my God-given job and that Ellie is learning as we go along.
I would highly recommend this book, especially if you have struggles with anxiety. It serves as a great reminder that there is no quick fix to finding contentment and getting over anxiety...it's a daily choice that has to be made to think positively and allow the One who IS in control to do His work for His glory.
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