Ministry Amidst the Doldrums

Today is just one of those days (that I think everyone has now and then) where you feel inadequate and get absolutely nothing done. These days certainly aren't pretty and usually I just feel like a wreck when I have them. However, miraculously I came into some wisdom and peace today that I wanted to share (it was a little bit of divine intervention, I think).

A little background to all of this...my morning sickness with this pregnancy has been...not fun. I won't say it's been bad, because I know so many people who experience much worse than what I have, but to give you some perspective, I had NO sickness or nausea with Ellie and just a little nausea with Piper. This time my nausea comes pretty much every day, throughout the day and I'm throwing up about once or twice a week. Still, not bad in comparison with other people, but for me it's bad since I'm certainly not used to that with pregnancy.

Some days are good and I feel great, and others I feel pretty horrible all day. Today happened to be one of those days (and it's only half over!). Things started off on the wrong foot this morning when I went to get the girls up and found vomit ALL OVER Piper's bed (so fun, I know). Now that I've been a parent for a few years, vomit isn't nearly as offensive as it used to be, although I don't think you can ever really just let vomit be a normal thing in your life (maybe my nurse friends feel differently haha). So anyway I had to get both the girls changed and Piper needed to be cleaned up a bit, and then I had to clean up the vomit and change the bedding (all before making breakfast). It immediately got me feeling pretty yucky, but I didn't really have any other options other than just dealing with it. So we conquered that mess and moved on to breakfast. For me, I usually just drink a cup of coffee and that's it (I know, not a healthy breakfast...believe me, Billy reminds me of this multiple times a week that I need to eat better). Well, that sounded very unappetizing this morning so I drank a Coke (again, so healthy) in the hopes of settling my stomach, which worked for about 30 minutes until the next wave of nausea hit. And the whole day has been like that. I finally was able to eat something around lunchtime while Billy was home...but I haven't showered or even made it out of sweatpants today. I let the girls run around all morning just doing what they wanted to do (thankfully they chose to read books and play with real toys instead of messing with chemicals or jumping off the stairs...) and Ellie and I watched a Tinkerbell movie during Piper's nap time (such high quality entertainment).

But you know what? I'm happy today. I don't feel guilty about my Coke and Ramen noodles (gasp!) or that I let my toddler watch a ridiculous movie about fairies (that she begged to watch) or that my kids played by themselves today. I am overjoyed that I was able to eat SOMETHING and not throw up afterward, that my kids spent time reading library books of their own volition, that they played together and fought a little and worked things out without my interference. I am thankful for the quiet TV time I had with Ellie, that she was engaged and asking questions throughout the movie about animals and weather and emotions, which are all things she needs to learn about anyway and Tinkerbell just happened to bring on those conversations today. I have finished reading two books today that encouraged me in my Christian walk and my duties as a mother. No, I don't want to be in pajamas every day and neglect to shower on a regular basis, but it's okay for today. What's more important is that my kids are taken care of and that I get some food in me for this little baby that is growing rapidly and putting huge demands on my body. There will be many more days to have fun in the yard or get the grocery shopping done or take my kids on new adventures. Today I just need to rest, and that's okay if it doesn't look pretty.

I am so thankful for the opportunity to stay home with my kids and for the challenges it brings to my life. So many of the lessons I've learned over the past few years wouldn't have come without this time of being home and figuring out who I am when you strip away the academics and achievements. God is not only calling me to be a mother, but He's also giving me this amazing chance to be better. Not in the world's standards but in His. So I might look horrendous in my pajamas and messy bun and no makeup today, but I'm growing into this woman who is learning to live a little more in the moment
and not worry so much about deadlines or lesson plans or standards or achievements. I'm learning that my priority is my family, not school or teaching or appearances or even church. I can't do everything, nor do I want to. I want my children, when they're grown up, to know that they are loved by God, their daddy, and me. That's my ministry right now. That's my kingdom work and God is doing that through me even in the throes of morning sickness and dirty hair and baby barf. It's not pretty on the outside, but this life is just beautiful when I see it from God's perspective. Praise Him for the things He accomplishes through the silly, crazy, mundane, sometimes gross and sometimes awesome life we have here.