My Babies

We have had beautiful, unseasonably cool weather for August lately.  I am so in love with it.  I am a cooler weather kinda gal, so 75-80 degree summer days are amazing.  Of course, I'm still longing for those 50-60 degree fall days...but they will come.  For now, I am praising God for a mild summer.

The past two days I have taken the girls on a morning walk so I can get some exercise.  I have been struggling with hormonal problems lately and basically two weeks out of every month I'm moody, irritable, suffering from low milk supply (which means Grace is cranky and frustrated at every feeding), and just generally a grouchy person.  So I might have 2.5 weeks where I feel "normal," and then 2 weeks where I don't at all.  I really HATE being that way.  I know it affects my relationships with Billy and the girls.  I finally put it all together this week when I realized what was happening and I've been thinking on how I can change this.  So for now, I'm just trying to get outside a little.  I figured some light exercise, getting out of the house, sunshine, and fresh air would do me good.  And I have to say that I have felt so much better the last two days.  I truly hope this will be a long term solution to my problem. 

Bridgewater is a wonderful place to walk.  We happen to live in an area where several neighborhoods are interconnected (and it's all flat!), so it's easy to take as short or as long of a walk as I desire.  I just load Ellie and Piper into the double stroller, Grace in the Ergo, grab some water and we're off.  I am lucky that the girls are great travelers and don't mind being "confined" in the stroller as long as we have things to look at.  I try to make it as enjoyable for them as I can, so we typically have a lot of discussion on our walks about whatever we see.  Piper is content to sit quietly for the entire ride and observe (yesterday she said maybe two words, today nothing!) and Ellie talks non-stop.  So we notice whatever animals are scurrying around, we talk about street signs and cars, identify whatever flowers we can in people's gardens, etc.  

Today we stopped at one of the neighborhood playgrounds so the kids could burn some energy and while I was watching them play, I started reflecting on how very different each of my children are.  I think it's easy for me to tend to lump them all together as "the girls," but they are each so different.  They have many similarities, too, but I think that has more to do with their mannerisms and interests and not so much their personalities.  I thought it might be fun to share a little about each of my precious individuals:

"I'm the king of the castle!"

Ellie is my go-getter.  When I look at her, I see so clearly how God formed her to be everything I ever thought she would be from the time I met her (and even when I prayed for her while I was pregnant).  She has some of our best qualities.  She is confident, independent, assertive, and goofy like Billy, but also polite, a quick learner, laughs easily, and eager to please like me (which can also be a terrible fault, but I think she has the right personality balance to not be a door mat).  She talks almost non-stop from morning to night.  She can be totally alone and will still talk to herself.  She is full of questions and observations and can't keep anything to herself.  She is clearly an extrovert.  She is energized by large groups of people and loves to socialize.  She makes friends easily and trusts people implicitly.  She is opinionated, energetic, and strong.

Piper in her own world

Piper is full of contradictions and her personality comes in extremes.  She is timid and shy around strangers, but wild and uninhibited at home.  She is reckless but observant, overwhelmingly loud but quiet.  Her voice has two levels: yelling and whispering.  She is very soft spoken when she's having a real conversation, but yells at the top of her lungs (with both joy and anger) when she's playing.  She is our introvert who becomes very overwhelmed with large groups of people.  When she's alone, she will sit in comfortable silence and just zone out.  She rides in the stroller and the car in mostly silence and has no use for unnecessary conversation.  She is generous, affectionate, observant, and comical.

My happy-go-lucky Grace

Grace is my easygoing girl.  She is chatty, snuggly, and motivated.  She adores anyone who pays attention to her and is generous with her smiles.  She's a bit stingy with her giggles so it's a great reward to hear one of those (Ellie elicits the majority of Grace's laughs these days).  She is expressive and I rarely have to guess what she's thinking.  She keeps us informed at every moment what her exact mood is.  She has been my most motivated child so far and has hit many of her milestones significantly earlier than her sisters.  She is content, easy to please, and loves one-on-one attention.

I am in awe of how God has created these three children from the same genes and somehow they are each so different.  It overwhelms me to think that these three are mine.  Almost ten years ago Billy and I were dating "just for fun," and now here we are with a life and a legacy of our own.  I know we have many more years of raising to do, with many wonderful and horrible phases in between, but in this moment of quiet reflection I am full of peace and joy.  Isn't that what nap time is for? ;)

Our Homemade Christmas Gifts

So I was scanning through my posts on blogger and realized that I had started a draft of this post and never finished it...maybe because I had a baby in January?  Who knows...but I thought I should go ahead and finish it anyway!

This past year, I tried to do a few more homemade/creative Christmas gifts compared to years past.  I had a few reasons for doing this.  First, it saved us some money...I have a lot of crafting tools and supplies (sewing machine, fabric, scrap lumber, a laminator, etc.) and wanted to put some of those things to good use instead of spending a lot of money.  We also made a commitment as a family to not spend as much money on Christmas last year, so that meant we had to get creative!  Second, I think homemade gifts are fun because it shows that the giver put some time and energy into making something specifically for the receiver.  It makes me feel special to receive something homemade and unique, so I wanted to do that for someone else.  Third, we were trying to simplify Christmas for our family and make it more about focusing on Jesus, spending time with family, and creating memories, and I thought crafting would help me accomplish those goals better than spending time shopping.  Obviously we still purchased gifts for some people, but it was a fun learning experience for me to do Christmas this way.  Plus, with only two children I had SO much time on my hands....hahahahaha.

Anyway, I just wanted to share some of the homemade gifts we created...maybe it will give you a new idea for this year!

I really wanted Ellie to have an opportunity to give a gift last year.  Being three years old, I figured she could do something simple which would also help her realize that Christmas isn't about her getting things from other people, but also giving to them!  I had a lot of white cardstock paper scraps (from another project below) that were the perfect size for a bookmark, so I had her (and Piper, too) sit at the table with some crayons and decorate the bookmarks.  Ellie took this project so seriously and (as you can see) got pretty intense about coloring every square inch of the paper.  When she was done, I wrote her name and the date on the back, laminated the bookmarks with my awesome Scotch thermal laminator (thanks, Mom!), punched a hole in the top of each one, and tied some ribbon on it. She was so thrilled to have made gifts to give to other people.  I even had one extra bookmark left and kept it for myself!

I found this free printable for a book of love coupons from Mommy by Day Crafter by Night and thought it was too cute.  It's meant to be a Valentine's Day thing but I made this as a stocking stuffer for Billy.  She has pre-made coupons as well as blank ones.  I printed two sheets of blank coupons, wrote out each coupon for whatever I wanted it to say, laminated them, punched a hole in the corner, and put a book ring clip in it.  So easy and cute!

I try to make apple butter every fall after we pick apples.  The recipe I use is so easy since it just requires the crockpot and a few spices.  When the apple butter is done, I can it and give it away at Christmas.  I definitely like it, and I'm pretty sure my family enjoys it, too!

This was a new type of project for me.  I thought these rustic photo displays from Shanty 2 Chic were really cute and I knew we had some scrap lumber in the garage.  My sweet husband cut, sanded, stained, and drilled holes in the boards for me.  Literally all I did was print the message, glue the hooks in place, and print out some pictures.  So this was mostly Billy's work but I thought they turned out pretty cute!

This was by far the most involved project I took on for Christmas.  I actually started it in the summer of 2012 because I thought it would be really cool to make a quilt for my mom (we are hardcore blanket people), but then I put it away for a while.  When I realized I never finished it, I decided that I had to get it done before Grace was born and it would make a great Christmas gift.  I found this tutorial called 31 Days to a Handmade Quilt by Saving by Making and it immediately went on my "someday I will do this" list.  I would say that for my very first quilt (and definitely the biggest sewing project I've ever done in my short sewing life of 2.5 years) I was really pleased with how it turned out.  There are a few things I would do differently now that I've gone through it, but when I finished I literally teared up a little because I couldn't believe that I actually finished it (and I was hugely pregnant and hormonal....so that may have influenced my tears, too).  

Billy made these wooden monogram ornaments as a surprise for me (again, using scrap lumber from the garage and the stain we bought for the photo block project) and I LOVE them.  I'm not even sure what he did to make this happen but they are perfect.  I have a slight obsession with Christmas ornaments, so these were a perfect gift for me.

It took some time and planning, but I really enjoyed making these gifts.  I get a little anxious about homemade anything (mostly because I'm not super confident in my own skills and crafting does NOT come easily to me) but I think everything turned out okay.  Thanks for reading my severely belated Christmas post! 

Summer 2014: Reading, Gardening, and Being "Busy"

I am seriously lagging on keeping up with blogging, which really bums me out because I do enjoy writing and it's such a simple way for me to process life and keep a record of what we've been up to.  So...two months later, here I am again.

Our summer hasn't been exceptionally busy, except that it always feels like we're busy.  Why is that?  We're not going on vacation or doing anything that's really outside of our normal routine.  Maybe it's just what happens when your children outnumber you.  I don't know, but I feel like we are non-stop all the time.  I do find that my children tend to nap better if we have something to do outside of the home in the morning, so I try to plan outings at least two or three days a week.  We usually go to the library once a week and alternate between the Bridgewater and Harrisonburg libraries so that we're not at the same place every week.  Ellie and Piper really love going to the library (mostly because they have lots of fun toys...I wish they would get a little more excited about picking out books but I guess we'll get there eventually).  They are also enrolled in the summer reading program, so for every two hours of reading time (me reading to them, since they can't read yet) they get a small prize, such as a coupon for free ice cream or donuts.  Sometimes I want to say, "Where's my prize?  I'm the one reading to them..." but oh well.  I guess my reward is knowing that I'm being a good parent/first educator by reading A LOT...but sometimes mommies need donuts and ice cream, too!  My kids get rewarded for me reading to them, but I suppose it does take some effort on their part to listen to me read.  And you better believe that when we go redeem those donut coupons I'm going to buy a donut for myself.

Speaking of reading, Ellie harasses me pretty much any time I ask her to look at a book.
Ellie: (whiny, frustrated voice) "But MOM, how can I read this?!?!?  I can't READ it yet!!!"
Me: (whiny, frustrated voice) "Just look at the pictures, Ellie!  We're having quiet reading time...I know you can't read yet, but you can look at the pictures and be quiet for 5 minutes!"
Ellie: (increasingly frustrated with me) "MOOOOOMMMMMYYYY, I can't read it!!!"
Me: (increasingly frustrated with her...deeeeep breath) "Okay...let's sound out the letters..."
So then "quiet reading time" doesn't really happen the way I want it to, but obviously this child is so ready to begin learning to read.  She's already read her first real word ("club") by sounding out the individual letters and then putting them together (she was looking at the LEGO Club Magazine, which is a free subscription!).  So my goal for the fall is to start teaching this child how to read.  She already has the basic phonics down, so now I just need to focus on the actual reading part.  I really wasn't quite prepared to start teaching Ellie to read at 4 years old, but I always said that I would wait until she was interested and not push it...it's just that in her case she's ready a bit earlier than I anticipated so now I need to step up to meet her enthusiasm for it.  I was already planning on doing some basic preschool-type stuff with her anyway, since she's not enrolled in a Pre-K program for this coming year and I have a mental list of things I'd like for her to be able to do before she goes into Kindergarten.  There's a list of 71 things your child needs to know before Kindergarten written by a former teacher that I appreciate being able to refer to...and I would say most of the things on that list have more to do with your child's disposition, behavior, and curiosity and not so much the specific, academic tasks (although they're on there, too).

Of course, we also try to plan play dates with friends to keep us busy, and we usually go to the children's museum once every week or two for something extra fun (thank you, Granny, for the membership!).  This is probably bad, but I tend to avoid the playground.  It's just really hot, and I'm always wearing Grace in the Ergo carrier, and I sweat SO bad by the end of it.  I'm basically "pregnant on the outside" (Billy's phrasing) when I wear her.  I love the convenience of it, and Grace especially loves it since she's a snuggler, but it gets overwhelmingly hot sometimes.  So yeah, the playground isn't my favorite.

We planted a garden this year...it's really a container garden, since I didn't want to dig up the ground and all that until I knew if this was something I could actually handle or not.  I've always thought of myself as having a brown thumb...everything dies under my watch, because I'm just really bad about watering and weeding and all that.  I'm lazy.  That's really what it is, so let's just go ahead and call it.  Anyway, I got the crazy idea to try, yet again, to keep something alive...so on Mother's Day weekend we went to Lowe's and bought a few already-established plants, put them in some large pots we found in the garage, and....ta-da!  They are GROWING.  We actually grew something and didn't kill it.  I think I'm still in shock over it.  Well, we did kill one plant, but it was NOT my fault.  We had the pot under the gutter on the garage, and apparently all is not the way it should be there, because anytime it rains water just pours down in that one spot.  So that poor little plant bit the dust pretty early because it just got drowned.  It's probably still my fault, as I should have looked at the area before putting the pot there, but oh well.  The strawberry plant also got hit pretty hard by the water, but I've also heard those are finicky plants anyway.  So, long story short, we've got tomatoes, zucchini, green bell peppers, jalapeños, cayenne peppers, and cucumbers growing like crazy and it's been a lot of fun for me.  So now that I know what is pretty easy to care for, I'd like to do it again next year and plant a real garden (you know, in the ground and all that).  The girls have really enjoyed helping water the garden and checking on the vegetables as they grow....although I think I might be burning them out on cucumbers.

What our produce basket looks like on a daily basis

Grace just turned six months old this past week, so she had her big checkup today.  All is well and she's as healthy as she can be, but of course I went into the appointment worried about one thing or another.  She's been quite demanding about eating and still doesn't sleep great every night (although that's getting better) and I was concerned about her weight gain and whether she was getting enough to eat.  She has gained one pound since her four-month appointment, which caused her to drop to the 10th percentile for weight....so of course I was feeling worried.  But our doctor, God bless her, came into the room and immediately said, "Please don't worry about her weight.  This is just genetics."  Grace went up a percentile in length and her head circumference is right on track, which indicates that her nutrition is fine.  When the doctor asked how much she's nursing (6 times per day) and if she's eating solids (4 ounces in purees twice a day, plus food from my plate sometimes PLUS Cheerios or puffs!) she said that she was getting PLENTY to eat and that she's just a hungry girl.  She reassured me that there was no reason to stop nursing, but to just keep offering solids as much as she wants and that she will be just fine.  She also recommended coconut oil for our thrush problem, which I hope will help.  I just appreciate having a doctor who is kind and listens to my concerns without belittling me or getting overzealous about "treating problems."

This is how I got my writing done today...can you see that she is up on her knees?!?! 

On her knees with her belly off the floor...booty in the air is her favorite way to be!

Well, I guess that's us in a nutshell right now.  To close, I'm posting links to some of my favorite books I've read so far this year (I've been reading a lot this summer, which has been SO nice!).

French Kids Eat Everything by Karen Le Billon: I have always desired for our kids to not be super picky eaters, and I would say for the most part they're not, but I'm also curious to see how other people do things.  This book was an interesting perspective on French food culture and, while I don't agree with everything, I thought it had some interesting suggestions and ideas.
The Sexually Confident Wife by Shannon Ethridge:  I hope this isn't too much information, but let me just say that this was a great and helpful book and I would recommend it to any woman who might struggle with sexual confidence within marriage.
Maisie Dobbs by Jacqueline Winspear: I have always enjoyed mysteries, and this is the first in a series of 10 that I just loved.  I am also a huge fan of historical fiction...set in the time between WWI and WWII, this book was right up my alley.  If you like strong female characters and history, this one will be a win.
The Little Bookstore of Big Stone Gap by Wendy Welch: I've recently discovered that I love reading memoirs so this was a good read.  Obviously I love books (and what book lover hasn't dreamed of opening a book store?) so this one really resonated with me.
Dad is Fat by Jim Gaffigan: We think Jim Gaffigan is hilarious, so of course I had to read his book.  Some parts were familiar if you've listened to any of his skits, but I still really enjoyed this one and laughed out loud quite a bit.  Despite the antics of his kids, he loves being a dad and that's always encouraging for those of us in the trenches of parenthood.
The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot: This is the true story of the acquisition and use of HeLa cells, which have been used in all forms of scientific experimentation, and the backstory on Henrietta Lacks' family and how this has impacted them.  This was a sobering story that really made me think about how the pursuit of knowledge can impact everyday people and what those long-term effects on a person's family look like.
The Secret Keeper by Kate Morton: Another historical fiction novel that I really enjoyed.  A bit mysterious and creepy; definitely a favorite.
Elephant Trunk Steaks and Other Adventure Stories by Dr. Larry Fogle and Sallie Fogle: This was a fun and eye-opening book for me.  I love reading about missionaries and their stories of how God provides in dire circumstances, but it's also fun to read about their adventures and just the culture shock that might be experienced.  This book was written by Billy's uncle and aunt, so it was especially interesting for me to get to know their history a little better and I was really blessed by their story.  They've also written Termite Meatloaf and Other Adventure Stories, and I think they'll be coming out with a third book sometime in the future.  Can't wait!
The Language of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh: This is a coming-of-age story that incorporates the Victorian-era idea that flowers have very particular, emotional meanings.  Heartbreaking, but I love the overarching themes of restoration and reconciliation.  A worthwhile read.

Struggles

Life has been interesting lately.  Maybe a bit more challenging, although I'm thankful it's coming now rather than when Grace was born, so we've had 4 months to get used to this family of 5 lifestyle.  All three of our children are going through very different things all at the same time, so Billy and I are trying to work with each of them individually on very different things...anyway, it's complicated.

Grace is waking up at 4 or 5 in the morning pretty much every day, and we think it's her natural sleep cycle ending which is causing her to wake up.  Ellie did the same thing, but she would usually just jabber for a little while and then go back to sleep.  Grace, being a pacifier sleeper, just cries until we give her the pacifier, then she goes back to sleep.  Thankfully she's not awake for a long time and it's a quick fix, but this happens at least once an hour from 4-7 am (and sometimes every 30 minutes).  So I'm running downstairs multiple times in the wee hours of the morning and it's getting exhausting.  She did do better last night and slept from 11 pm-6 am, and then I gave her the pacifier and she slept until 7 which is when I normally feed her anyway.  I'm so thankful for that, because we had a crazy day yesterday and I desperately needed the sleep.  Grace is also not nursing very well (in my opinion, although the doctor said she's fine) so that's stressing me out a little.  Maybe she's a super fast eater (Piper was, but she was also a pretty chubby baby so I didn't worry too much about it)...5 minutes just doesn't seem long enough to me.  We are slowly trying out solids to see if maybe she's just ready for more food.

Piper had a BAD day yesterday.  She threw a temper tantrum at dinner last night which isn't unusual for her, so we put her in time out in her bed like normal.  Well, she totally lost it.  Screaming at the top of her lungs, banging on the crib, typical crazy toddler stuff.  Then she climbed out of her crib.  Like it was no big deal.  We put her back in, and she immediately did it again.  And did it a third time.  So now we're looking at converting her crib to a toddler bed.  I'm so not looking forward to this, since she's not the best with boundaries, but we're afraid of her getting hurt so we'll just have to go for it.  If you remember, Ellie didn't move out of her crib until she was almost 3 and a half.  So putting a two year old in the toddler bed is just scary to me.  She's also ripping her diaper off every now and then, which then results in a very wet bed in the morning.  I really want to potty train her but I just don't think she's ready yet, and I don't want to repeat the mistakes I made with Ellie.

Ellie is giving the terrible threes one last hurrah before she turns four in August.  She's dramatic and everything is a crisis in her world (not abnormal for little ones anyway, just super annoying sometimes).  She's had some attitude problems, which include disobedience and disrespect toward certain adults (mainly me) and she's thrown a handful of pretty horrible tantrums.  She had her very worst tantrum in Target last week....it was so bad that I left my cart full of stuff in the middle of the store.  I've never done that in my whole life, but I had no choice that day.  Or rather, I did have a choice, and I chose to follow through with the consequences for her instead of giving in to make her be quiet.  It was bad....so bad.  I shudder when I think about it.

So, honestly, this isn't a very uplifting post.  I feel like I'm screwing up my kids left and right.  Like I'm a crappy mom and I don't know what I'm doing.  There are days when I feel like our children hate me and how in the world will they ever know I love them when I spend so much time correcting and disciplining?  They are beautiful and precious and SO loved, but they are driving me crazy.

On top of our kid drama, our kitchen faucet broke last night.  I had been washing dishes, and when I turned the faucet off I heard a pop and then water started gushing out under the sink at full blast.  It very quickly flooded the cabinets, so I'm yelling for Billy (who was watching the kids at the time) and trying to pull everything out of the cabinets before it got completely soaked (which happened within seconds anyway).  We both searched for the shut off valve under the sink and couldn't find it, so Billy runs down to the basement while I just watch water pouring onto the floor.  The shut off valve for our sink was in the basement next to the water heater....so to turn the water off to the sink turns the water off to the whole house.  So we had no water until about 11:00 this morning.  Thankfully dinner was basically done by the time that all happened last night and we had plenty of stuff to drink in the refrigerator.  But man it created a huge mess in the basement.  Our whole laundry room below was flooded and Billy had to use the shop vac to get rid of most of the water, then mopped and mopped and mopped.  It still took overnight with fans blowing to dry everything out because of the humidity.  Our landlord replaced the faucet this morning and it's actually much nicer than the one we had, so that's a perk.  After having a cup of coffee and a shower I started feeling much better.  Clean running water is such a gift.

I don't know, y'all.  Life is just kinda trying right now.  God is stretching us in many ways, not even considering the struggles we're facing with our children.  Every time we get our finances under control something else hits us.  Every time we all get well, something happens like allergies,  vomiting, baby doesn't poop for 12 days, or cutting a chunk out of my hand with a broken glass (all have happened within the last week).  I'm just tired and discouraged.  I'm blessed and so thankful for this life, but it's just hard today.  Forgive me for being such a downer?  I just needed a place to get it all out.  This is proof that I don't have it together (I don't think anyone thinks that anyway, but it needed to be said haha).

Piper is Two!

My sweet Piper is now two years old!  This girl is so precious and crazy, I definitely want to remember these things about her when she's older.  Here is an update on Piper:

• Stats: Just shy of 29 pounds, and 35 and 1/4 inches tall.  75th percentile all around. 
• Nicknames: Pipes, Pipey, Schmunchkin, Butternut Squash
• Favorite foods: EVERYTHING.  Seriously, there's not much this girl doesn't like, except for maybe eggs.  She is especially enthusiastic about pasta, bananas, chocolate milk, and peanut butter/nutella sandwiches.  Yep, we're pretty healthy around here ;)
• Favorite movies/shows: Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood, and Princess Sophia
• Favorite things to do: Piper loves to play with whatever Ellie has...which is why my kids fight as much as they do haha.  Right now, Piper really enjoys scribbling on the magna doodle, playing dress up, building with blocks, taking care of her baby dolls, visiting the library, and going down the slide on the playground.
• Favorite games: Chasing Ellie, playing in her pop-up tent, dancing to music, and singing songs ("Jesus Loves Me," "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star," etc.)
• Favorite books: Anything by Sandra Boynton (but especially Doggies), Pete the Cat and His Four Groovy Buttons by Eric Litwin
• Things she's good at: She's very verbal and picks up new words and phrases easily.  She is very sweet toward Grace and says "hi, Gracie!" all the time.  She's also hilarious and makes all of us laugh, and definitely knows how to be so cute that no one can stay mad at her.  She is also REALLY good at screaming....
• Things she's not so good at: Hmm.  Screaming is not my favorite.  Sharing is a big challenge right now, and she also gets scared very easily.  She can be pretty headstrong when she wants to be, but maybe that will be a good thing someday?! :)
• Funny things she says/does: She calls her favorite blanket "Fuzzy" and likes to pick fuzz off of it with one hand while sucking her thumb on the other hand; says "goodness gracious" quite often; names all of the princesses in her own way, such as Tee-nana, Sweeping Booty, Punzel, and Cin-wewa; begs to be tickled by her Daddy before bed and then screams at the top of her lungs when he does it; likes to pray before bed, which almost always goes like this: "Dear God, thank you for Daddy, Mommy, Daddy, Mommy, Mommy, Daddy, Ellie, Gracie, Mommy, Daddy, bleekie-boopie-blaggie-goobie-blah (unintelligible), in Jesus' name, Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaamen!"

This girl is so sweet.  I can't believe it's already been two years since she was born.  She is the most ridiculous, adorable, strong-headed little girl I know.  She knows what she wants and isn't afraid to make that known.  She can be very cuddly and quiet, and the next minute she's screaming at the top of her lungs (and that could mean she's extremely happy or extremely angry!).  She has the most beautiful big brown eyes and the cutest little potbelly (which she loves to show off by lifting her shirt and rubbing or patting her belly).  Her hair is wild and if it's not pulled back she looks a little like Bozo the Clown with it puffing out at the sides.  She talks so well and one of her favorite phrases right now is, "I want to do it by myself!"  She loves her sisters and I can already tell that all three of them will be so close.  She can hold her own with Ellie and while it frustrates me to tears, it also makes me a little proud at how tough she is.  I am so blessed to be this little girl's mama and she has taught me so much...she is my strong, funny, wild child and I wouldn't change that for anything.  We love you, sweet Pipey-girl!  

Goals Update and a Dilemma

I thought it was time for a little check-in.  I mentioned a TON of goals and lifestyle changes in my last post and thought nap time would be a good time to (quickly) update (you never know when those little rascals will wake up...)

Let's see...physically things are going really well.  I chopped most of my hair off, so even though I had a little bit of shock over that, it feels good to start fresh.  I had my 6 week postpartum checkup last Friday and I am completely healed from my c-section.  The incision has healed perfectly (I am so thankful I've never had any issues with that!) and I'm feeling good.  I've been keeping up with the food diary on MyFitnessPal and so far that's going well, I've lost 4 pounds (which feels pretty lame compared to Billy's 20 or so pounds lost, but oh well haha).  I'm trying to keep in mind that my weight loss is always slow, usually averaging 1-2 pounds per week and that it's okay as long as I keep it up.  I'm also making milk to feed a small human, so I have to keep that in mind :). I have 13 pounds to go until I'm at my healthy BMI/pre-pregnancy weight, and then after that whatever I lose will just be icing on the cake.  I do feel like I'm eating a lot better than I was and we're definitely eating better as a family since Billy is doing this, too.

Since everything checked out okay with the midwife, I started some legitimate exercise this week.  I am SO out of shape.  Like, really bad.  Billy has been doing Nike+ Kinect Training for several weeks now and it has worked really well for him.  We bought a Kinect sensor to go with the Xbox 360 last year (using gift cards, of course!) and he bought the Nike game as a way to be held accountable for working out.  Definitely worth it.  We can't really afford a gym membership that includes childcare, so this is the next best thing for us.  It's pretty accurate and detects when you're doing things incorrectly and also changes up the workouts throughout the week so you're getting a good mixture of strength training and cardio.  I took the initial fitness test on Tuesday and I can definitely see where my strengths and weaknesses are.  Anything to do with lower body strength is good, but upper body strength was rough...aka nonexistent.  You would think with carrying all these kids around I would be strong, but nope.  I have done two workouts so far and I am SO sore today so I guess it's working.  I planned my workout days to be the same as Billy's so that I can be held accountable by him.

Mentally I'm doing well.  I'm thankful that my hormonal adjustment has been easier this time around, so I'm not laying on the floor crying like I did after Piper was born (seriously, that happened more than once).  I still get stressed and aggravated throughout the day, but I don't feel as overwhelmed by life as I have in the past (again...after Piper was born.  Poor girl, I hope she doesn't get a complex because I keep referring to how difficult she was!).  Spiritually, my prayer life is great thanks to Grace needing to eat late at night/early in the morning, which is pretty much my only opportunity for total silence in this house :).  I'm still struggling with reading on a daily basis.  It seems like I'll have a couple good days and then several where I totally neglect to do this.

Relationally I think I'm doing okay.  Billy and I are trying to have more regular date nights, which means we have to be a lot more creative since these are happening at home.  Last Friday I planned date night, which included Chipotle takeout, dessert, and playing Zumba and Just Dance demos on the Xbox.  Those games would be worth buying for all of the hilarity that ensued.  I'm continuing with book club, MOMS group, and trying to get together with friends, but lately some of those things have been canceled due to snow.  I LOVE snow, but I'm also ready for some warmer days so that the girls and I can get outside.  I'm kinda tired of being cooped up in the house these days.

One area that has been on our minds lately has to do with future children.  This is pretty personal, but I feel okay sharing this since I know the people who read this blog care about our family and will either pray for us, encourage us, or at least keep negative comments to themselves.  During my surgery with Grace, the OBGYN said that my uterus was very thin, like paper.  If I were to get pregnant again, I would have a higher risk for uterine rupture, which is a very serious complication.  Billy and I knew we wanted to have at least three children...now that we're there, we're not really sure if we're done or not.  At 25 years old, I feel too young to say we're done, but I'm not ready to say that we will have more.  We love being parents...it has been one of the best gifts God has given us.  We've been praying a lot about what God wants for our family (including how many children we have).  This is such a touchy subject for some people and everyone has a different opinion on it.  We love our children and believe each one is a blessing from God.  I've never wanted to place a "limit" on that and say that we're only going to have X number of kids and then we're done, but when you have risks to consider, what do you do?  This is obviously something that won't be answered right now, but will just take time and prayer.  On one hand, it makes me so sad to think that we might be done having children.  On the other, I think about how wonderful it's been to have these three beautiful girls so close in age and I think about how much fun we'll have in the future as they grow up.  Just think about it...we'll have a 13 year old, 15 year old, and 17 year old all at the same time! :)  I also look forward to the day when everyone in this house is potty trained haha.  Long story short, I have a lot of conflicting emotions about this and it's something that I just need to trust God with the outcome.  I have always been a planner, but I just can't plan around this right now and that's hard for me to accept sometimes.  So for now, I'm treating our little Gracie as if she were our last baby.  It makes every milestone so bittersweet, but it also makes the difficult parts (the fussiness, getting up in the middle of the night, etc.) a little easier because I realize that this might be the last time and that I've gotta see the good parts in those hard things, too.  I may not have another newborn, so I've got to treasure all of it while I can.

In closing, I leave you with some pictures of these sweet babies:

Getting into a Routine

Our Gracie girl is now one month old.  Not sure how that happened because it feels like she came home with us yesterday, but man is she a joy.  I am really loving being her mommy.

I hate that it's taken me three and a half years of motherhood to finally embrace and enjoy this difficult newborn stage, but I'm thankful that God has helped me get to that point finally.  I have to be honest...I am not in love with newborns.  They cry easily, I never know what they need when they do cry (sleep? food? diaper change?), and I really dislike not sleeping through the night.  Ellie wasn't a super difficult newborn once we got her reflux issues under control, but I remember being so annoyed (almost angry) getting up in the middle of the night to feed her.  We were blessed that she started sleeping through the night pretty early (started at 7 weeks and by 10 weeks didn't turn back).  Piper fought sleep from the beginning and didn't sleep through the night consistently until 8 months old...oh my goodness that was hard for me.  She had some reflux/dairy intolerance issues that we didn't recognize and so we got into a pretty difficult cycle of just doing whatever we could to keep her happy (which meant I nursed her in the middle of the night quite frequently just to stop the crying).  She also slept in our walk-in closet, so we heard ALL of her noises and she didn't really have an opportunity to learn to self-soothe like Ellie did.

Grace is by no means a perfect baby (she really likes to fight daytime naps and sometimes we just end up holding her to keep the peace in the evenings), but I feel more relaxed as a mother this time.  Yes, her crying still frays my nerves and there are many times that I don't know what to do for her, but I also realize that this time is fleeting compared to the rest of her life and we will come out on the other side of it.  Piper taught me that, for sure.  Those 8 months of not sleeping through the night were really hard, but she is a great nighttime sleeper now and I know that there will come a day when I will get solid rest again.  Grace actually does really well at night and is only getting up once to eat.  One thing that has really helped my sanity with Grace is that she is on a pretty consistent schedule.  Ellie fell into her routine without a lot of work on our part (I think mainly because she was a NICU baby and they regulated her feedings from the beginning).  She has always been our flexible child and really doesn't seem fazed by changes in her routine, so I never worried much about her eating at the same time every day because she just went along with the flow.  Piper didn't really have much of a schedule because I was just dying to get sleep anytime I could.  I didn't give her a consistent wake up time every day and so every day looked different.  With Grace, I have tried to keep her wake up time pretty consistent (somewhere around 8:00 am).  There are some days that she gets up at 7:30 and others I'll wake her up at 8:30, but for the most part the rest of the day looks the same.  I think it's easier this time around because Ellie and Piper have a pretty consistent daily schedule, so I've tried to tailor Grace's feedings around their routine (a.k.a. everyone naps at the same time in the afternoon so that I can get a break!).  I will also say that this noise machine has been a lifesaver at night since Grace is still sleeping upstairs with us.  We just set it on white noise and I think it's made a huge difference for both Grace and me.  She sleeps soundly at night and it also drowns out some of those little noises she does in her sleep, so I'm sleeping better, too.  We also put her in the pack and play just outside of our bedroom, so I'm able to shut the door between our room and where she sleeps and that little bit of separation helps so much.

Now that we have found our daily rhythm as a family again, I'm ready to start moving forward in life.  I felt like my whole pregnancy with Grace was just a time for me to rest and survive, which isn't a bad thing, but I'm really tired of that "stagnant" feeling.  I am trying to focus on getting back to myself, which means a lot of different things I guess.  I'm breaking this down into sections:

Mentally: First, I'm working on letting go of anxiety and stress and trying to be more relaxed.  This isn't exactly an easy task with being a mom to three little girls 3 and under, but I also think a lot of it has more to do with attitude rather than circumstances.  What does my outlook on life look like?  Am I approaching this life with an attitude of thankfulness and joy or am I anxious and negative?  Am I taking time for myself throughout the day to recharge or am I running myself ragged?  These are questions I'm trying to ask myself throughout the day.

Spiritually: I have really neglected reading Scripture for myself in the last few months, so I'm trying to improve in that area.  We've been reading through The Beginner's Bible with the girls, but that doesn't really count as personal quiet time haha.  My goal is to have some type of daily Bible reading time without overthinking it.  I have always struggled on and off with reading the Bible regularly, and I think it's because I tend to get frustrated with devotionals and whether they're "scholarly" or not.  However, when I try reading the Bible on my own without some sort of guidance I often get stuck or give up after a while because I'm not sure what to read next.  I'm now realizing that it's better to read something than nothing at all, so I'm going through My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers again.  Eventually I would like to purchase a new devotional that I haven't read (maybe Jesus Calling by Sarah Young) but for now the point is to read God's word every day and be refreshed by that.

Physically: Now that Grace is one month old, I'm slowly starting to get myself back to normal physically.  I've lost 20 pounds since her birth without trying (mostly due to getting the baby out, not being swollen anymore, and having the flu for 4 days), but I still have 15-20 more pounds to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight.  I signed up for MyFitnessPal and downloaded the free app for my iPhone to start journaling my diet and exercise throughout the day.  I've done Weight Watchers twice now (after Ellie and Piper were born) and that worked really well for me, but I really don't want to pay for a membership if I can get a free version elsewhere.  I've heard great things about MyFitnessPal so I decided to give it a try and so far I really like it.  It's actually set up just like Weight Watchers Online except that you're counting calories instead of points (and it's free to use!).  I also really like that I can scan the barcode on something I've eaten and add it to my food diary that way instead of searching through a list of foods (although you can do it that way, too).  I did some light yoga yesterday as my first day of real exercise and that was good (although I can't believe how out of shape I am!).  Anyway, I'm looking forward to losing the rest of my pregnancy weight and eventually working toward getting stronger and more active on a daily basis.  I've also resolved to take care of myself a little more, meaning I need to go spend some of that Christmas money on new clothes.  I also made myself a hair appointment for Thursday (since I haven't had a haircut--or even a trim--since September 2012...yes, a year and a half!) and I'm getting my eyebrows waxed--a real luxury haha.

Family: There are a few things here that I'm trying to work on.  We're currently reading Hands Free Mama in our book club, which is all about letting go of distractions so that we can focus on the things that really matter.  I'm trying to spend more time paying attention to my children than my phone and less time on Facebook and more time being with them.  This is hard, because I often want to retreat for a moment to zone out, but my kids need to know that I'm listening and aware of what they're doing instead of saying, "Yeah, uh-huh, okay go play now."  I also want to be more intentional about paying attention to Billy and strengthening our marriage.  Now that we have three kids, we are outnumbered and it's harder to have that time to focus on each other, but it's still totally doable and we just have to work at it a little.  I want to be a better wife to him and this is something I've neglected while I was in "pregnancy survival mode."

Socially: This seems like an odd thing to work on, but I want to be more intentional about my relationships.  I want to invest in other people and serve them, while also allowing myself to be encouraged by the people I'm around.  I'm a natural introvert so I tend to shy away from social situations (except with people close to me), but I've found since becoming a mom that I really need to be around other people sometimes so that I can get a little perspective on life.  I want to make more of an effort to spend quality time with friends, so I'm trying to say yes a little more often than I say no while also having discernment about what is best for our family.

I know this seems like a really long, overwhelming list, but these are all things I've started working on in moderation and my goal is to slowly get better and better at them.  I don't think I'll ever check all of this off a to-do list, but I really just want to embrace this life I've been given and enjoy every season even while things aren't perfect.  I don't want to wait until my kids are grown to focus on my husband, and I don't want to let life pass me by while I stay cocooned inside what's comfortable for me (being out of shape, unsocial, anxious, and stagnant).  I really want this season of my life to be a time for me to grow into who God made me to be instead of holding back out of fear.  I've been on the cusp of this for a long time and I've made significant progress over the past few years, but it's really time for me to just dive in and do it instead of thinking about it.

And now I leave you with some pictures of my cuties:

This is Ellie's "rocket ship" made out of chairs :)

Piper is practicing sitting on the potty (fully clothed haha) and Ellie thought it would be a good idea to read her a story.

Grace is a strong little girl already (just like her big sisters!)

If this isn't the cutest thing I've ever seen...it seriously makes the craziness worth it when I see how loving my girls can be toward each other!